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Hey - just going on my impression here, but why beat yourself up? If this is what you like, then you're doing well; I'm sure Thoreau had doubts and fears - that's very possibly why he wrote about it. If it's not exactly what you like, you're just like the rest of us. Everyone is struggling and, IME, generally doing the best they can. Some people's struggles are more apparent to others (money, some addictions) and some less (and those with less apparent struggles often act like they have none). Compassion, for yourself and for others, is the ultimate weapon.

You sound courageous to me; it's inspiring to read how strong you are. I hope you find some peace tonight. Someone said to me, in a past life, 'what if you just stopped beating yourself up today, just for a day?'. Turned out that I really didn't need to do that any day. It's not like I wasn't trying, or that I'm not still trying and struggling.




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