It would seem that the clarification in parent agrees:
> On desktop applications that I have worked on (I know this does not apply to all), if we did run out of memory, the better option is to just crash rather than try to recover. But of course some applications cannot do this, especially when dealing with third-party programs, such as databases (as you state). In those cases, the best you can do is empirically test how much is required and gracefully handle those cases when you do OOM (if possible). That's part of your problem, it's not an external thing. If you can control things, try to.
> On desktop applications that I have worked on (I know this does not apply to all), if we did run out of memory, the better option is to just crash rather than try to recover. But of course some applications cannot do this, especially when dealing with third-party programs, such as databases (as you state). In those cases, the best you can do is empirically test how much is required and gracefully handle those cases when you do OOM (if possible). That's part of your problem, it's not an external thing. If you can control things, try to.