super astute in pointing out there is the initial decision maker, and then the internal sell: associate->vc->partners->due dil
Something this misses, in both cases, much of the initial yes / no is often in the first minutes. it hints at it w putting best stuff first, so worth being explicit on that. Ex: "Amazing factoid about us X, like 100K people are using us to shine their shoes 100X faster!". That makes the rest of the story draw them in further, and should grow that: more excitement + less fear. Otherwise, you've lost them before minute 5, and they will likely only get more agitated & distracted as you go on.
Something this misses, in both cases, much of the initial yes / no is often in the first minutes. it hints at it w putting best stuff first, so worth being explicit on that. Ex: "Amazing factoid about us X, like 100K people are using us to shine their shoes 100X faster!". That makes the rest of the story draw them in further, and should grow that: more excitement + less fear. Otherwise, you've lost them before minute 5, and they will likely only get more agitated & distracted as you go on.