As an experiment, I spent nearly two years in a community of people my age (16-25, mostly 18-20) of all genders, advertising myself as a girl and communicating in a relatively gender-neutral way. I marked my gender as "Other" and only claimed to be a girl when queried directly, with the response "I'm a girl."
My experience was that girls seek the camaraderie of other girls online, and tend to be more aggressive about privately establishing lines of communication outside chat rooms, but otherwise there's very little difference in the way that people act towards people that they suspect to be girls online. Notably, there were just as many sexual or suggestive advances from women as there were from men.
The punchline, of course, is convincing people that "MostAwesomeDude" is a girl, but that's not exactly magic.
I have had that experience in some communities. I have not in others. Like I said, the Cocoa developer community? I have a hard time thinking of the last time I had a problem with someone. Online gaming? It happens half the time I open my mouth to talk. Sometimes it's just honest surprise, like a guy I know that was shocked the person he talked to occasionally over text and had respect for being pretty good at what I played was female the whole time. Most times it's just someone being an idiot. Usually the latter seems to be because there is some kind of anonymity involved (see also: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/3/19/). It's one thing to be `YouJustGotOwned` in a game or `foobar` on irc, it's another to be talking from a twitter account that is associated with your name, company and professional reputation, for example.
> Notably, there were just as many sexual or suggestive advances from women as there were from men.
Well, two things:
1. I never claimed women weren't capable of doing that. I have participated in female-majority communities where the men were hit on and treated badly, and I didn't like it. Everyone needs to treat others with respect as much as possible.
2. A big part in whether or not that is acceptable behavior from anybody is if the other person is/people are okay with it. I feel okay flirting and hitting on others when I know the interest is mutual, and I don't feel bad doing it. I can be as sexually suggestive and crude as I want in front of friends and people I know. What is distasteful is doing this to someone that doesn't want any part of it. What is also distasteful is misreading someone's behavior as implicit permission to do things like hit on them.
> otherwise there's very little difference in the way that people act towards people that they suspect to be girls online
I like to subscribe to the theory that the vast majority of people are somewhat reasonable. Most of the time there isn't a difference and that is where I'm perfectly fine being open about who/what I am. It's definitely a small minority (and partially due to selection bias) that can cause headaches though, and they're not always obvious or in public. That doesn't mean they don't exist.
My experience was that girls seek the camaraderie of other girls online, and tend to be more aggressive about privately establishing lines of communication outside chat rooms, but otherwise there's very little difference in the way that people act towards people that they suspect to be girls online. Notably, there were just as many sexual or suggestive advances from women as there were from men.
The punchline, of course, is convincing people that "MostAwesomeDude" is a girl, but that's not exactly magic.