If data is sharable, it doesn't mean that it is trivial. In your example with shards by user, simple message sent between users in app becomes are very non trivial dance to be done reliably.
If you recognize that there isn't a good automated solution for the DB to smartly join messages than it becomes a fairly straightforward problem once again.
e.g. the simple solution is to denormalize the table and have each message keyed by recipient. In a dating app you'll roughly double your message count this way, and even in most messenger apps the proportion of messages sent person to person is likely the most significant.
A smarter solution is to key each conversation by a unique key
in a sharded table and then store the set of "conversations" that a user is engaged in in the sharded users table. Fetching the messages for a user then becomes a simple 2 query process - fetch/filter the conversations, then fetch the messages. No duplication of messages, and likely just a few extra bytes per message for the key.
It would be great if the DB could manage the above application side sharded join internally, but we're unfortunately a few steps away from that today.
It doesn't matter how you arrange data, the moment you need to commit to 2 shards transactionally you are either having consistency trouble or performance trouble.
Both your schemas require writes to at least 2 shards transactionally.
