You don't tell them anything, you listen to them and encourage them to talk, and you help them understand the things they're struggling with by expressing the feelings you have in response to what they're saying.
At some level, what people really want ultimately isn't an idea, it's a feeling, and learning how to soothe people is usually about being calm and attentive. The people who want me to provide them a solution to their problem usually get angry because I keep redirecting them back to their own feelings, and then we talk about the anger and see if they can find a way for that anger to not be the end of the conversation.
Sometimes though it's a bit different. The self harming teenager in foster care, for example, responds really well to people not getting upset. People that cut themselves are used to adults freaking out, so for self harmers it's usually some variant of "oh man, I'm sorry. Is the bleeding managed? Glad to hear. ... Hard day?"
At some level, what people really want ultimately isn't an idea, it's a feeling, and learning how to soothe people is usually about being calm and attentive. The people who want me to provide them a solution to their problem usually get angry because I keep redirecting them back to their own feelings, and then we talk about the anger and see if they can find a way for that anger to not be the end of the conversation.
Sometimes though it's a bit different. The self harming teenager in foster care, for example, responds really well to people not getting upset. People that cut themselves are used to adults freaking out, so for self harmers it's usually some variant of "oh man, I'm sorry. Is the bleeding managed? Glad to hear. ... Hard day?"