Keep a note on your phone (doesn't matter the app Apple Notes, Google Keep, SimpleNote, Drafts, etc) with a header for each person you want to get a gift for. Throughout the year whenever you hear them say "I love X author" or "I'm getting into Y hobby" then add a little note under their name. These can be as simple as "Coconut La Croix is their favorite seltzer flavor and brand" to as complicated as "They have complained about a slow computer that you know you can upgrade the ram/ssd" and the list goes on. Then when it come time to decide on a gift you have reflect back on our list.
It's incredibly helpful for me and led to gifts that have been very appreciated and used over and over. I think back to a dog seat cover I got for a friend after hearing them talk about taking their dog hiking a lot. They called me about a month after they got the gift out of the blue and said something like "I've used this dog seat cover tons of times already and it makes taking the dog so much easier". That cover was less that $30 easy but it was more impactful than if I had spent $100 on them. That same person I got 3 months of BarkBox for them at one point and I heard about how much they enjoyed that for multiple months after the last box shipped and every time I went over they would talk about "Our dog loves this one toy that we go in the box".
It's really good advice if you're only doing this once per person, but you want to be a bit more careful that it doesn't lose its effectiveness if you want to be able to do it multiple times. Not sure if this happens for other people, but I know when I've gotten gifts based on my comments, I've sometimes started watching what I comment on with that person, which has affected my comments thereafter... not because the gifts turn out bad, but because there's frequently a non-financial reason I hadn't gotten those things myself earlier. e.g., maybe I feel it's just not worth anyone's money, I don't have room for it, maybe I feel it's a waste of resources, etc.
So I feel like to make this work well you really have to know the person well to know why they haven't gotten the gift themselves already.
One category of things where I think you can avoid the above problem easily (at least I have when I've tried it) is consumables, especially edibles. If you know your friend loves to eat something, then you can always buy them more of it; it's really hard to miss here. On the other hand, if you buy them something else, you might not know what the implications are. For example, if you know their computer is low on RAM and you buy them memory... you have no idea if they might've (say) only been putting it off because they plan to get a new computer anyway. Though, I guess is this easy to solve—just ask them on the spot why they haven't gotten that thing yet.
This is an excellent point, and I’ve been on the other side of it. Just like you said, you end up not wanting to comment on anything because you’ll end up getting it as a gift.
I spent about 2 months researching tents because I wanted to start camping with my daughter. I had a strict set of requirements and I didn't want to bite the bullet til I was sure I'd gotten the right one.
My dad asked my wife what to get me for a birthday present. She knew I was tent shopping so he got me one. I don't want to sound ungrateful because it was a lovely gesture, but I also could have just picked the first one on Amazon that looked good. I didn't do that because I wanted a specific thing.
I don't want to return the tent because it's a present, I don't have space to store 2 tents and I don't want to use the one he got because it doesn't have any of the features I wanted in a tent.
Anyway, now I don't tell anybody when I'm planning on buying something like that.
Personally, I haven't implemented this though I know I should... but I came across this idea in Robert Heinleins Double Star as a reference to Farley Files.
In essence, Farley was Roosevelts aid and kept files on everyone he met so before meeting them again Roosevelt could cram study and "recall everything about them" like they were a close personal friend.
This is very interesting and something I've been playing around with in my head. I keep "chasing the dragon" when it comes to note taking apps/approaches. I've played with everything from NvAlt+SimpleNote (for iOS), Evernote, Notion, Drafts, Editorial, Obsidian, and more. Most recently when I was experimenting with the Zettelkasten notes system (in Obsidian) I got the idea that I would want to do exactly what you talk about and have a "note" per person where I could store trivia, gift ideas, birthdates, etc.
Unfortunately I either don't fully understand Zettelkasten or I am paralyzed by indecision on where I split my notes and how I organize them. I guess I'll just continue using Drafts as my "brain dump"/"all text starts here" until I can find something better that is lightweight and works across iOS/macOS.
I have the same issue with organizing my notes. On the mac, I have recently started using agenda (https://www.agenda.com/) and am really liking it. You can easily link notes to dates, events, and other notes. You can export notes and sync through iCloud or Dropbox.
The free version already gives a lot of useful functionality and they have an interesting payment model in which you unlock all current features (and updates over the next year) with a single payment. Hence you could use it as a subscription or simply pay once if the new features are not yet worth it to you.
Have you found any note taking mobile apps that can also sync with Dropbox to be edited as plain text files? I do most of my note taking in vim on my laptop, but when I only have my phone I'm reduced to use simplenote and Google Keep and can't easily access my normal notes.
After 15 years of searching I haven't found that seemingly simple combination of features.
I was playing the note chasing app game, too. I eventually settled on the native iOS/macOS notes. I like it because I don't get paralyzed by trying to perfect the organization of my notes, and it syncs across my devices as expected.
A while back someone posted to HN a tool for creating things just like this. In some places it was derided as “single player Facebook” but I could see it being very helpful for a person who sticks with it
Well, if it's good enough for politicians, the FBI and CIA, every HR department since the 60's, FAANG...
Why not for individuals too?
I like the notion of "single player facebook". It casts Facebook as being an MMO and then that yields clan raids imagery of identity politics and so on. It's damn near perfect!
"Apparently" makes it sound a bit like Holmes was something other than a fictional character, composed only of Doyle's beliefs about what would make an entertainingly eccentric genius. It's not even what Doyle thought would work!
I was having this same problem, I always felt unprepared when it came time to give gifts (Holidays, Birthdays, etc). I ended up building a simple app for myself that let me take notes for my closest relationships throughout the year. Once it’s gift giving time I now have a list of ideas already built up.
I call it a PRM, essentially a personal CRM. I worry it sounds inauthentic to treat personal relationships like a CRM, but it’s really focused on my own internal reminders and preventing forgetfulness for people I care about.
I seem to get stuck on the splash screen, the "Get Started" text doesn't show on the screen as I'm on the smaller iPhone SE (1st generation), and therefore I can't seem to click to be able to continue.
BTW, if you ever need a feature idea, I think that being able to add a small collection of pictures (perhaps up to about 9 images) for each person would be pretty killer.
Thanks for pointing out the screen size issue, I’ve just submitted a new version to allow scrolling for smaller screen sizes. Hope you can try the app out when Apple approves!
I like the images idea. I was imagining I could integrate with the iOS photos app - then your photo memories could be seamlessly linked to your contacts. The mobile focus opens up many integration possibilities.
There's a lot to unpack here. I think a much better method is to recognize that if you have trouble figuring out a gift for a person, you either haven't put enough thought into it, or you don't know the person as well as you might like.
> "I love X author"
This is fine as long as you realize they probably own all of author's works and maybe even pre-ordered the latest release. Find something unique (signed copy? first print? copy signed by the author's rival? rare statuette of their favorite character?) and gift them that instead.
> "I'm getting into Y hobby"
This can be a minefield. If you personally know something about the hobby this can work. But if you find yourself saying "The minimum wage employee at Best Buy told me this widget was the best one", you're gifting an obligation to use what might be an inferior product or one that doesn't meet their needs or expectations. It might even be one they ruled out for themselves. Additionally, researching widgets might be one of the things they enjoy about their new hobby.
> "They have complained about a slow computer that you know you can upgrade the ram/ssd" and the list goes on.
This is the key refinement of your gift-tracking idea. You've leveraged what you know about the world and about the person to gift them something they want or need and may not even know is possible to get for themselves.
> I think back to a dog seat cover I got for a friend after hearing them talk about taking their dog hiking a lot.
I was on the receiving end of this exact gift and it is one of the gifts I appreciate the most to this day.
>This can be a minefield. If you personally know something about the hobby this can work. But if you find yourself saying "The minimum wage employee at Best Buy told me this widget was the best one"
I've heard people talk about this online. For example, someone getting into record collecting being gifted the cheapest turntable available on Amazon or in a high street fashion/trinkets store that not only sounds bad but may even damage the records. A waste of money if the recipient is already saving up for a good turntable or already has one. Slightly less worse is receiving an original pressing of an old record but not taking enough time to read about the quality it's being sold in.
You can't exactly tell the gifter you spent 10x the cost of a Crosley on a phono preamp alone :)
Yep, this is the best idea I've also ever had (not sure where I learned it from many years ago - likely a friend) when it comes to gifts. It takes years of practice, but even if you miss half the "hints" given to you, you're still doing really well once you get a couple years worth of notes together.
Even those "iffy" gifts the first time you hear them turn into huge winners years later because you remembered and happened across it somewhere.
Also one other rule I learned from a friend I've lived by now for around 5 years is that whenever I see something I think someone would like - I simply buy it and gift it right then for no reason in particular.
Gift-giving holidays used to be a severe anxiety ridden period for me because I never "got" why we had to exchange these silly things and would panic at the last minute, but now that I've started the above practices my loved ones know even if I miss a birthday or Christmas here and there I'm still thinking of them. When I reframed it into "I saw this thing I thought you'd really enjoy" vs. "I went to Target on xmas eve and panic bought something after 2hrs of looking" it got a lot more fun.
> Throughout the year whenever you hear them say "I love X author"
I thought of this, but one risk is that if you know they love the author, they probably already own the book. And if they don't love the author, you're back to "will they like my gift?".
You don’t have to limit yourself to the author they love. Quite the contrary, it’s a good opportunity to expand the person’s selection.
Ask them what they love about the author. Not only does that make you a more interested friend, it gives you valuable information when looking for a gift. Ask online (or the sales person at the bookshop) “what do I get for someone who likes author X for reasons Y” and pick what resonates.
As (another) bonus, it shows the person you care enough to do your research and not just get what would’ve been on their wish list anyway.
My parents did me a great favor when one year they got me a book on Richard Feynman. I was very much into his stories and trying to understand his perspective on physics for a long long time after.
That's totally fair and this is a hard one I'll admit. I've done it for when I know there is a new book coming out that they might not have on their radar or I will ask friends/family of the person if they have the book. Not a perfect system and probably not the best example.
I started this as a habit last year - it has totally changed my gift giving. I think the recipients value the gifts more because they're more thoughtful and it's made the weeks leading up to Christmas much more relaxed.
100% agree. It’s removed most all of the stress. I started doing it for my partner and then slowly added in his family, my family, and my close friends. My gifts are way more thoughtful now and fun to give, and from the feedback I’ve heard, more fun to receive as well.
Also related, make a note of people's sizes (shoes, hats, whatever). Very often, I find myself looking at a dress and thinking so-and-so would look great in it but I can't buy it because I have no idea what size they wear.
This means they get stuff they once made an offhand comment about, rather than stuff people think they might like. I once bought a book by a certain author and liked it as a kid), I then got books by that author for the next few years.
If I was "getting into Y hobby" I'd probably research my own tools for it, and would hate if someone bought something random, e.g. I'd hate if someone bought me a random RAM module. How do they know what speed, or how many slots I have?
consumables like Selzer (or cologne) are pretty safe, somewhat although boring gifts. It's better if their favourite X if also something that's expensive enough that they don't buy it frequently anyway.
That said, I often see cool items that I think "that would make a cool gift", that's what to make note of.
Yeah, that's the trick. You want something that intersects with "stuff I know person X is interested in" and "stuff that I know enough to make an informed purchase on and X probably doesn't already have". And consumables are a good way to solve the "doesn't already have" problem.
On the one hand, I like this. I really like this. You really have to either care about others, or to be willing to invest sustained energy over time to thoroughly counterfeit that social signal, but either way, it's probably a delight to get that kind of thoughtful gift.
On the other hand, the gifts I treasure the most are totally useless.
One of my dance partners got me this god-awful pink apron, and it is, and by a wide margin, the single ugliest thing I own.
It is also thin enough to act, less as a barrier to staining liquids, and more as a sort of a specialized grease-distribution device, ensuring that an oil splash will cover more of whatever I happen to be wearing than would be possible via direct impingement.
But the thought behind that apron demonstrated a very deep friendship, and I have yet to find something suitably hideous to give in return.
Definitely good advise, but it made me wonder, how much gifts people are giving or differences in gifts culture, that makes such lists necessary?
Myself, I grew up in a family that always did some variant of secret santa for Christmas and within my social circles since adult age birthdays are for the most part giftless beyond the people invited covering e.g dinner/drinks.
Pretty much all gifts I haven made in years were either for children or people I’m really close with.
Just do not forget that they may have bought those things in the meantime. At the time you buy the gift, they may already have it. This is important to note.
I was going to post the same advice. I haven't had trouble coming up with gift ideas for family/friends I see regularly since doing this.
Also, thanks for referencing BarkBox. I wasn't aware of it before.
Edit: As an additional benefit, if you start doing this people will shocked that you remembered some offhand comment they made so they think you're a much better listener than you actually are.
Got my mom a pair of Bose noise-cancelling headphones since she was asking about headphone recommendations earlier. That was definitely a gift that worked out and I think she's been using them for the last three years now.
I also got my dad an iFixit toolkit for Christmas after he saw mine and asked me to order him one if I was ever going to order from that particular store again.
+1 I have been doing this for years. Makes life so much easier. My father in law is getting new grill tongs because he was complaining about the short ones he has this summer.
Yes! It’s also great to keep smaller ideas like their favorite fast food place or if they like to get their nails done at a certain place. I use it for Christmas/birthdays but also just random gifts that can be smaller.
If somone is really into something, it might not be specific enough to know what that something is... They might already have that gift idea or it might suck according to them even if it is exactly for their hobby or whatever.
Keep a note on your phone (doesn't matter the app Apple Notes, Google Keep, SimpleNote, Drafts, etc) with a header for each person you want to get a gift for. Throughout the year whenever you hear them say "I love X author" or "I'm getting into Y hobby" then add a little note under their name. These can be as simple as "Coconut La Croix is their favorite seltzer flavor and brand" to as complicated as "They have complained about a slow computer that you know you can upgrade the ram/ssd" and the list goes on. Then when it come time to decide on a gift you have reflect back on our list.
It's incredibly helpful for me and led to gifts that have been very appreciated and used over and over. I think back to a dog seat cover I got for a friend after hearing them talk about taking their dog hiking a lot. They called me about a month after they got the gift out of the blue and said something like "I've used this dog seat cover tons of times already and it makes taking the dog so much easier". That cover was less that $30 easy but it was more impactful than if I had spent $100 on them. That same person I got 3 months of BarkBox for them at one point and I heard about how much they enjoyed that for multiple months after the last box shipped and every time I went over they would talk about "Our dog loves this one toy that we go in the box".