I find it so strange that when people have such clear indicators of depression, they’re still like “I’m not sure if this is legit depression but...”
I personally got to the point where I was practically fantasizing about dying and still wasn’t sure if that’s real depression. I think we ease into it and forget what being happy was like, such that the depression practically becomes normal. It’s awful
The notion of denial makes sense in that context. I reflect on depressive times and I really was in denial; that's been clear to me in many moments. I'd speak to people like everything was AWESOME after leaving my home from a morning of intense self-loathing and resentment - the kinds of gut-wrenching thoughts and feelings you'd reserve for someone you hate with all your heart. And I'd kind of believe myself for even minutes at a time. The denial was strong. Denial or pure escapism, I'm not really sure.
What else can you do when you're hurting like that though. I mean, if you don't have the tools to cope, the mental capacity to endure much more, the experience to draw on to recognize the patterns and trajectories and so on. You're practically forced to deny or defer it when you're unequipped to manage it.
I personally got to the point where I was practically fantasizing about dying and still wasn’t sure if that’s real depression. I think we ease into it and forget what being happy was like, such that the depression practically becomes normal. It’s awful