I definitely feel worse since daylight savings started. Now when work is done, the sun is completely gone. A few weeks ago, there was at least a hint of it and an evening walk could be done during a sunset. Not so much anymore. It feels like I'm working even more now and I know I'm not even working that many hours physically. (Mentally tho...) I do know that I let more negative thoughts in as the night grows. It's one of the reasons I hate short days and daylight savings. The more night, the more I'm inside wishing I could get out of this shit hole.
Felt depressive symptoms? Almost everyday for over a decade. Would I say I'm depressed though? No. And that's not due to stigma of it or something. I see a therapist but I don't feel depressed and he doesn't seem to think I'm depressed. There's something special about what I'd consider depression. Something where you're depressed because there's a hopelessness to your situation and it's somewhat unreasonable to feel that way for as long as you have. I think of it like: "Is someone who is being tortured everyday in a prison cell and know there's no chance they'll be able to escape depressed if they're acting sad all the time?" <-- I feel that way in my life at times because that's what I deal with. It isn't physical torture but more of emotional and psychological. Knowing that you could maybe make it in an area but are not and might not ever... it's draining. When you're completely on your own for it and no one you've ever grown up with has ever gotten anywhere near where you're at or done things like you've done... And the work is terrible and the people are horrible. And no one can support you except yourself...
It just... well, it's draining. So, I feel drained most days. Depressed? Not really. Again, if the context was different, I'd feel fine and be quite happy day to day (give me money, give my a nice manager, give me decent work). It's that the context is so bad. I tend to think of depression as... almost no matter the context, you're gonna be sad and not enjoying things. I still enjoy stuff - it's just that I have that nagging thought of how I need to keep pushing... I need to get further because I'm still so far behind from what I wanted to be. And I don't know how to get there because I've never seen anyone like me do it.
Felt depressive symptoms? Almost everyday for over a decade. Would I say I'm depressed though? No. And that's not due to stigma of it or something. I see a therapist but I don't feel depressed and he doesn't seem to think I'm depressed. There's something special about what I'd consider depression. Something where you're depressed because there's a hopelessness to your situation and it's somewhat unreasonable to feel that way for as long as you have. I think of it like: "Is someone who is being tortured everyday in a prison cell and know there's no chance they'll be able to escape depressed if they're acting sad all the time?" <-- I feel that way in my life at times because that's what I deal with. It isn't physical torture but more of emotional and psychological. Knowing that you could maybe make it in an area but are not and might not ever... it's draining. When you're completely on your own for it and no one you've ever grown up with has ever gotten anywhere near where you're at or done things like you've done... And the work is terrible and the people are horrible. And no one can support you except yourself...
It just... well, it's draining. So, I feel drained most days. Depressed? Not really. Again, if the context was different, I'd feel fine and be quite happy day to day (give me money, give my a nice manager, give me decent work). It's that the context is so bad. I tend to think of depression as... almost no matter the context, you're gonna be sad and not enjoying things. I still enjoy stuff - it's just that I have that nagging thought of how I need to keep pushing... I need to get further because I'm still so far behind from what I wanted to be. And I don't know how to get there because I've never seen anyone like me do it.