> the quantum case the ball only takes on a color the moment you look at it, and so instantaneously is setting the color in the USA as well
We don't actually know that this is an accurate description of what is happening, although it is consistent with what is happening.
Very likely, the underlying physical process still operates below the speed of light. "Instantaneous" isn't something that makes physical sense in this context.
There have been experiments confirming entanglement. It does not "tell" the particle at the speed of light. The mutual wave function collapses as a whole unit.
it is very easy to measure something entangled at the same time (or at least within a margin that is faster than light travel) and confirm you always get the correct results. If the wave function didn't collapse together, you would get results that break quantum laws, such as measuring two entangled particles with both up-spin.
You misunderstand the objection. The fact that you didn't expand on your definition of simultaneity suggests that you're missing a lot of background here. There are many ways that physics could appear to violate causality with collapse without actually sending information faster than light (e.g. how most of the multiverse theories work).
We don't actually know that this is an accurate description of what is happening, although it is consistent with what is happening.
Very likely, the underlying physical process still operates below the speed of light. "Instantaneous" isn't something that makes physical sense in this context.