I have this and it's a real problem for software development because everyone expects a senior to be gung-ho about their solutions and perfectly confident. Whereas I'm always asking for second and third opinions about things and people (largely management but occasionally other developers) view that negatively.
Baseline political paradox - humans demand extraverted confidence from leaders more than they demand competence.
If you're confident you can make mistake after mistake and no one will care unless everything comes crashing down - and even then there's a fair chance you can make it someone else's fault.
If you're merely very competent, taking time to research good solutions looks like indecision, not leadership, even if the results are far better.
I think this might be due to a difference in optics. What you see as 'asking for a second or third opinion' might be seen by others as lack of independence, leadership and ownership.
Mostly everywhere senior developers are expected to self-manage and make difficult decisions on their own, unprompted, and just present working solutions to the business. It's okay to take time on this - solving it on your own, consulting literature, peers, etc. But looping in management into technical decision making might make you look like you can't make decisions on your own, or need micromanagement. Management, business and product care about things being done - not technical approaches or having to choose between multiple solutions.
I agree with this. Even if you as an engineer aren't 100% sure, sign-offs from other groups or extra opinions are something for a project manager or product manager to fish around for. There are some optics to consider there too -- e.g. the implication that the PM things you're a fool -- but having them fish around for buy-in and alternatives sells better than you doing it -- it makes you look weak or unprepared.
Context matters here too, if you know Alice and Bob on Team [X] are just great at crypto or DB work or whatever, then getting their feedback before implementing a feature might make sense / be a standard due-diligence thing.
Consensus decision-making has its place, but not when it delays simple decisions or acts as a way to diffuse responsibility. Can you decypher whether your second-guessing is coming from an emotional or a rational place within yourself?
> whether your second-guessing is coming from an emotional or a rational place within yourself?
I'd say it was rational because I know full well I've made some howlers over the decades and a lot of them could have been avoided with a second (or third) pair of eyes.
I have this and it's a real problem for software development because everyone expects a senior to be gung-ho about their solutions and perfectly confident. Whereas I'm always asking for second and third opinions about things and people (largely management but occasionally other developers) view that negatively.