I don't know you, but please don't consider yourself a loser. Ever.
There might be many reasons why you were never accepted to YC, despite applying nine times. Heck, I actually plaude your "stubbornness" / "determination", which is not common.
Don't despair. Sometimes life is hard, sometimes life has other plans for us. Perhaps there's a big success for you just around the corner.
And if not... There's nothing wrong with not being YC-backable. You are still a human being.
Hey, please don't be discouraged, for us it worked because (imho) we came to YC interview with existing paid user base growth, so it was far beyond the idea stage. And I personally applied to YC 3 times, starting from 2015:)
Good luck with your business. it's really awesome you were able to get through to them that this is a huge business