In high school I was told I wouldn't fit in until grad school, I still tried to fit in but didn't work. In undergrad the prof / coach I had felt the most comfortable around explained in detail his philosophical justifications for me to be murdered while he was in the driver seat and I was in the front passenger seat on the way to a debate tournament where I ended up crying my eyes out and deciding to quit debate.
I got into the #1 ranked grad school I had dreamed of but my advisor had nothing to say and no words of encouragement when I told her my life's story... I held out hope for so many years to make it somehow and she had no advice about anything, how'd ever be able to afford a home, get a good job, have a family, NOTHING??
The tried to get CS degree and was #2 in my class but #1 was a terrifying sociopath and when profs started openly trying to make students cheat to make quotas, as in PROFESSORS WERE LITERALLY BEGGING STUDENTS TO MARK DOWN OTHER ANSWERS TO CHEAT AND STUDENTS REFUSED BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THEIR GRADES AS MUCH AS PROFESSORS I hoped out and hoped to find someone that was in a more healthy situation that maybe I could be mutually beneficial with.
I've been trying to find a mentor on this site since 2014 now and after all those years of people making posts of wanting someone like me I've hardly even got a response. Best "job" offer I've gotten for CS work was $500 for three months - I literally got paid better than that when I was picking fruits in vegetables when I wasn't even 10 years old yet, so somebody please tell me why I tortured myself through almost 2 decades of school under people saying it would be helpful when literally no one gives a shit.
2005 or so was the first time I had a really special relationship, online, and when I tried to meet the other person like they seemed to want they kinda backed out. It's 15 years later and no matter how close we get and the other person says we need to meet, when we want to meet and I'm so ready to meet them they instant or slightly-less-abruptly ghost me.
Um I really need a job where I could afford somewhere to live and it'd be helpful to have a job where I don't have to work 7/365 since I haven't had a day off in over 5 years and so I don't even know who I am or what I'm trying to do anymore.
My best friend is someone over 2500 miles away and 10 years older than me but they text me on discord about life and we watch movies sometime.
How do I find a place where there are one or more adults who could help me find a way to survive, afford a home and food and the rest on this planet? Is there somewhere else I could find someone or a future?