I can also relate, but luckily I (hope) that I managed to catch this happening in time and nipped it in the bud. It took a lot of soul searching (plus professional help) to get me back on track.
I started to think that I was a fucking idiot for being incapable of doing what was expected of me, and what I wanted to do. All my grand plans and projects and ideas seemed to just slip through my fingers, despite best efforts I couldn't (and still struggle to) get out of bed in the morning and get to work on time. It was frustrating.
For me it started when I finished university and I realised I had me entire life ahead of me, and no idea what to do with it. As a kid, sure I had plenty of screwups and a tough time, but I always saw the light at the end of the tunnel, I just had to get through my assignments and exams, finish school, finish university, get a job. Once I had done all that I sort of lost all purpose and identity, I had no idea who I was supposed to be. I had grown up with the concept that I was going to get my degree and find a job, then marry some girl, buy a house and have some kids and I'd live happily ever after, like I thought my parents did. Turns out that's not what I wanted in life, and I really struggled to find a purpose.
I think this is incredibly common for all sorts of people with different mental health issues, not just ADHD, I know plenty of people who've experienced the same descent into a hopeless state. Some turn to Jesus, some to drugs, others just say fuck it and kill themselves.
I started to think that I was a fucking idiot for being incapable of doing what was expected of me, and what I wanted to do. All my grand plans and projects and ideas seemed to just slip through my fingers, despite best efforts I couldn't (and still struggle to) get out of bed in the morning and get to work on time. It was frustrating.
For me it started when I finished university and I realised I had me entire life ahead of me, and no idea what to do with it. As a kid, sure I had plenty of screwups and a tough time, but I always saw the light at the end of the tunnel, I just had to get through my assignments and exams, finish school, finish university, get a job. Once I had done all that I sort of lost all purpose and identity, I had no idea who I was supposed to be. I had grown up with the concept that I was going to get my degree and find a job, then marry some girl, buy a house and have some kids and I'd live happily ever after, like I thought my parents did. Turns out that's not what I wanted in life, and I really struggled to find a purpose.
I think this is incredibly common for all sorts of people with different mental health issues, not just ADHD, I know plenty of people who've experienced the same descent into a hopeless state. Some turn to Jesus, some to drugs, others just say fuck it and kill themselves.