> use loneliness as a motivator to decide you aren’t going to be lonely anymore and find ways to fix the problem.
I'm sure it wasn't intended, but your post comes across as incredibly dismissive. Oh, you are lonely? You just need motivation. Oh, your family is a toxic dumpster fire that taught you all the wrong social skills? Dont move away from that. Oh, you are lonely? Try golf and church.
Your basic point that loneliness wont magically fix itself is true, but your words instead magically wave away every complication.
People can be introverts that nonetheless want social contact. By the end of a workday I'm exhausted. My peers all have young children, making schedules harder to coordinate and many of the activities I enjoy are off the table if one cant string 3 sentences together without interruption.
Which isnt to say that I cant work on improving things, but posts like yours are incredibly discouraging. It just says that my problems are my fault for bring me. Instead of saying I should find options that work for me it just says to learn to enjoy what I hate. It says just get motivated.
That's the kind of thing that makes people MORE alienated and lonely, and LESS motivated to think there is hope.
Was not intended. I was shy and lonely and it never got better until I got so sick of being lonely that I forced myself to overcome the problems.
Get motivated...to not be lonely so you get determined to find ways to fix it.
The longer you’re lonely the more you get sick of it until it motivates you to find a way. That’s what I meant. It’s pain and eventually you will seek pain relief.
I think the key issue is that you've addressed your loneliness that was due to shyness. Others will have loneliness due to other causes.
In all cases we need to take actions ourselves, because nothing will change otherwise, but the actions we need to take will differ, and all of us appreciate compassion and understanding of our different circumstances.
If that's how you're reading it, it is because you want to.
Loneliness isn't fixed easily and it requires a lot of effort on your part to fix it. Until you hit the point that you're determined to fix it, it won't get fixed.
It's not a virus that just has to run its course. You have to purposefully have the resolve to change it and over time, being lonely for long enough will make you hit a point where you say "Enough is enough. I'm not going to spend my life lonely."
Step 1 might be hitting the gym or joining a workout group like F3 or cross fit. Looking for a club like Toastmasters to help make you more comfortable stepping out of your shell. Invite people to lunch.
Start following a sports team and find other people who do too to talk about it with and get together with to watch / attend the games. Hockey games are a blast in person once you figure out what's going on.
None of it is going to make a difference unless you, personally, are determined to fix it.
I'm sure it wasn't intended, but your post comes across as incredibly dismissive. Oh, you are lonely? You just need motivation. Oh, your family is a toxic dumpster fire that taught you all the wrong social skills? Dont move away from that. Oh, you are lonely? Try golf and church.
Your basic point that loneliness wont magically fix itself is true, but your words instead magically wave away every complication.
People can be introverts that nonetheless want social contact. By the end of a workday I'm exhausted. My peers all have young children, making schedules harder to coordinate and many of the activities I enjoy are off the table if one cant string 3 sentences together without interruption.
Which isnt to say that I cant work on improving things, but posts like yours are incredibly discouraging. It just says that my problems are my fault for bring me. Instead of saying I should find options that work for me it just says to learn to enjoy what I hate. It says just get motivated.
That's the kind of thing that makes people MORE alienated and lonely, and LESS motivated to think there is hope.