> Maybe very small children. But in Japan, kids are pushed to walk themselves to school around 7 years old or so. Here in the US, parents would be arrested for that, and in a lot of places kids aren't allowed to be outside unsupervised at all.
My kids are 6 and 4, so this has been our experience. We're not alone. In Japan, you're not even allowed to take your kids to the park supervised in a lot of places now, unless your kids just sit on a bench and finger their phones. No fun is allowed.
> Aren't there a fair number of foreign companies now operating in Japan? This might be a possible solution to this for some people.
It's more possible in some lines of work than others. Don't forget we're talking about a woman. Sexism is deep in Japan. Why deal with all of that when chances are so much more accessible elsewhere?
> I thought it was much more common in Asian cultures for grandparents to help with the kids.
I'd bet this is usually true, but it just doesn't apply in our case. My family in the US is super close and awesome. Her family in Japan is not.
I'm not making excuses for why we don't live in Japan. Like I said, we have papers and we could return tomorrow. We could make it work. But our lives in the US are good. There's no great reason to leave.
>My kids are 6 and 4, so this has been our experience. We're not alone.
Everything I've read about Japan says that kids routinely walk themselves to school, take public transit all over the city by themselves, etc.
However, this is of course talking about kids who are older than 4 or 6, probably more like 7-8+. I haven't read anything about what parenting 4-year-olds is like there, just that your typical 10-year-old is quite independent, unlike here in the US where you will really get arrested in some places if your 10yo is at the local park alone, or in other places the cops will bring him back home and give you a lecture about stranger danger.
>Don't forget we're talking about a woman. Sexism is deep in Japan. Why deal with all of that when chances are so much more accessible elsewhere?
That's a pretty easy thing to answer for anyone: emigrating is hard, and it's a really hard thing to leave your home country and culture you grew up in and try to make it someplace else. This is true for any human. It's especially true if you're going to a country where the language and culture are especially alien to you. (i.e., emigrating from UK to US isn't that hard; we have the same language and similar culture. Emigrating from Japan to US is a huge, huge change.)
On top of that, other countries have their problems too. US is an extremely violent country with a 3rd-world-level murder rate, an almost non-existent public transit system, a shockingly expensive healthcare system, and a rather low ranking on any quality-of-life index compared to other industrialized nations.
>I'd bet this is usually true, but it just doesn't apply in our case.
Of course, individual experiences can be very different than national norms. It's too bad her family isn't more involved.
I'm not sure how to respond. I'm speaking from my lived experience here.
My wife is an ethnic Japanese citizen who grew up in Japan and speaks Japanese perfectly, with a Japanese college education and strong Japanese work experience in her field. It's still far easier for her to get a good job here in the US. This isn't some theoretical assumption. This happened!
She's lived here for a combined thirteen years. She speaks excellent English. We've already moved back and forth between US and Japan a couple times. Emigration is a massive PITA but it's not like a soul-altering, deep-grit odyssey for us at this point. Not sure what this has to do with sexism.
Yes, young kids commute to school alone in Japan. They're also not allowed to have fun, make sudden movements, or whisper in public without scorn. It's not a healthy environment.
Where exactly is this "scorn" coming from? I've been to Japan, but of course only as a tourist; I didn't grow up there or live there. But I did see kids, in groups, aged 10+, hanging out together and generally having fun. It looked like maybe they had just gotten out of school, as they were all wearing school clothes. They certainly weren't looking unhappy, or refraining from sudden movements or talking, in fact they were quite animated. This was in pretty open, public places however, like the big crowded outdoor markets.
What I did notice about Japan, compared to the US, was that it seemed like I could do just about anything there as long as it wasn't illegal. I might get stares of disapproval, but it seems like the society has a strong attitude of minding one's own business, and a pretty severe case of non-confrontationalism (sorry, I made that word up) whereas here in the US you can get nasty comments from random people if they don't like something about you, especially in the "friendly" South. So there seems to be a strong culture of conformity enforced by silence and expecting people to know social norms, but then you see some people acting out in various ways, like dressing really crazily, but everyone just ignores it. Of course, there's also the subways where no one talks (very unlike the US), but I can see the reason for that due to the crowding and it's actually pretty nice IMO, as people on the DC Metro get really loud at times.
Of course emigration isn't a soul-altering odyssey for you, because you're a couple with one person from each country. Getting adjusted to any country is 100x easier when you're married to someone who grew up there. Try moving to Congo or Saudi Arabia and see how easy you find that trek.
None of this has anything to do with sexism, to address your comment, I'm just talking about what I've seen and read about kids, and trying to understand your experience. From everything I see about raising kids in the US, it's pretty horrible, and I cannot imagine why anyone would want to do it, though it probably varies a lot from place to place. I grew up in the US of course, but it absolutely was not like it is now; when I grew up, kids could and routinely did roam around without adults, but that was decades ago before helicopter parenting became the norm.
My kids are 6 and 4, so this has been our experience. We're not alone. In Japan, you're not even allowed to take your kids to the park supervised in a lot of places now, unless your kids just sit on a bench and finger their phones. No fun is allowed.
> Aren't there a fair number of foreign companies now operating in Japan? This might be a possible solution to this for some people.
It's more possible in some lines of work than others. Don't forget we're talking about a woman. Sexism is deep in Japan. Why deal with all of that when chances are so much more accessible elsewhere?
> I thought it was much more common in Asian cultures for grandparents to help with the kids.
I'd bet this is usually true, but it just doesn't apply in our case. My family in the US is super close and awesome. Her family in Japan is not.
I'm not making excuses for why we don't live in Japan. Like I said, we have papers and we could return tomorrow. We could make it work. But our lives in the US are good. There's no great reason to leave.