Intellectually, I understand that much of the success of my peers of which I'm envious, has nothing to do with my abilities, per se, but more to do with luck and personality differences. I am who I am, and that affects the probabilities of who I meet and when, and what opportunities I'm willing to chase when they arise. I know this, and realize the, primarily, financial success of my peers does not imply that I'm a failure. But. It sure feels like I'm a failure. Mostly because of the expectation that I was supposed to succeed sooner.
But, as the article states, I do try to remember to compare my current self to my past self instead. When I do that, I can objectively see great life improvements and milestones achieved. Just not at the same times as others I know.
I have to constantly remind myself all the time of the sort of advice found in this article: to realize just how far I've come on my own journey, and that the journey is far from over.
Have you ever seen the kind of backgrounds people who are frequently lauded in the media for being successful early come from? Most had some luxuries that you probably did not - wealthy parents, extensive training in their chosen field, etc.
It's not always about talent. Knowing that your parents have millions allows you to think in a way someone struggling to pay rent can't.
I wasn't able to think long-term and actually build something until I hit my late 20s. Until then, I couldn't think past the short-term goal of just making money.
That is very true. I grew up relatively poor (we were the kids with literal holes in our shoes going to school, free lunch program, etc), and didn't get my first computer till I was 26. I didn't get it till I was 26 not because I couldn't afford it (I was the first in my extended family to go to college, and I got a physics degree), but because I was so used to not buying/having things cause that's how I grew up. When I was 26, I had already been working for a few years (left grad school to work full time), and was like, wait, I could totally buy my own cool stuff now.
I can relate to that, too- I'm intellectually smart, but socially awkward, which kinda stinks- I say the wrong things, goof up, and mess up wording often.
For me, what works is to stop worrying about what others say- so what if I misspeak and call an end effector an "endofactor" once in a presentation if it's spelled properly on screen?
Now that I've written the above I realize that I'm best when I prepare as much as I can.
I've learned to lean heavily in to my nerdiness. I have just learned to accept it's who I am, and if that means I am not the dude who goes out after work for drinks (for various reasons), then that is the way it is (lots of relationships are formed there). I tend not to go out of my way to 'network', and have missed opportunities as a result, but it really just isn't me. I've forced myself on occasion to be better at it, but even after many years, it has not gotten deeply into me enough to become a habit.
Here's an example.
I'm very introverted, and was at a company outing many years ago. Myself and another dev who started at the same time at the company as me (a startup in Seattle) found ourselves sitting at a table with the investors of the company. I'm not one for idle chit chat, and really had no burning questions to ask them, so I talked to them very little. They asked very little of me as well. But, the other dev sitting with us was super outgoing and extremely socially engaging. He peppered the investors with questions and eventually they really opened up to him. Over the next year, he continued this at every company event they attended. Then they started inviting him to social events at their houses. Over time, one thing led to another, and he eventually ended up starting a new company with the investors and left our company. I heard he ended up selling the new company for some $$$.
There were lots of lucky breaks along the way I'm sure, but the point is, I compared myself to him and felt like a failure. But, the reality is, I am just not like that guy, and though he achieved financial success, it is entirely possible that he may not have. I ignore the other equally socially engaging folks I knew at the same time who did NOT end up starting and selling a company.
I am not that guy, and he is not me. My only true comparison is my past self. And compared to that guy, I'm doing pretty damn well.
Intellectually, I understand that much of the success of my peers of which I'm envious, has nothing to do with my abilities, per se, but more to do with luck and personality differences. I am who I am, and that affects the probabilities of who I meet and when, and what opportunities I'm willing to chase when they arise. I know this, and realize the, primarily, financial success of my peers does not imply that I'm a failure. But. It sure feels like I'm a failure. Mostly because of the expectation that I was supposed to succeed sooner.
But, as the article states, I do try to remember to compare my current self to my past self instead. When I do that, I can objectively see great life improvements and milestones achieved. Just not at the same times as others I know.
I have to constantly remind myself all the time of the sort of advice found in this article: to realize just how far I've come on my own journey, and that the journey is far from over.