Well, after coming across Alan Watts later in life I had to consider that my teleportation was just the first in a fantastic series of events that lead to my ultimate understanding of the plastic nature of reality and then I chose to return to my life and live out the alternate path. :)
It's hard to say what the original symptoms were. It was like I was solving a riddle of sorts. I was getting signs from all over the place that built on one another. There was a growing sense of excitement inside, sort of like I was on the cusp of some massive discovery. The process of being on the highway to see my girlfriend (I was driving from Edinboro, Pa down to Wake Forest) was all very logical to the view I was holding.
It was sort of like a vision from the early 90s video game spy hunter -- where you power up by driving into the back of the semi.
I recalled seeing signs on the semi that said if you can't see the mirrors the driver can't see you. I got caught up in a dream like sequence of looking at his mirrors and being pulled into the back of the truck.
It was actually a state of ecstatic bliss from what I recall -- like a spiritual orgasm. I felt like I needed to have 100% faith and that if I believed it would work. It was a transcendent state of consciousness.
When I hit the back it was like a shock back into reality. There I was on the roadside, lost, afraid, the truck driver very angry with me.
The police showed up and I just told them the truth. They were puzzled and told me to go home (they called my parents).
I tried to drive back home very disoriented. I stopped at a motel to get my bearings and ended up in a weird scene that felt like Mary & Jesus at the manger -- very Judeo Christian.
I had a lot of guilt about having a beautiful girlfriend -- like I was shallow or something. And for some reason thought I was meant to fall in love with this woman at the motel who I was not attracted to.
When I got home my mom took me to see a psychiatrist. He said it could be schizoaffective disorder or perhaps was something triggered by using psychedelics the previous summer (I had some very beautiful and profound life-altering experiences while on Phish tour.)
When I met Rick Doblin (Maps.org) I shared this experience with him. He sniffed out that I hadn't fully integrated the experience and he pointed out that I was falling in love, and that when you fall in love it is sort of like teleporting -- that you have this deep connection to this other person.
He helped me make sense of that experience and it was as if something in my soul relaxed.
There were elements that felt like tripping.
The thing was, there was a lot of baggage from my childhood that I never dealt with. I stuffed a lot of emotions inside. I was a very sensitive and smart kid and never really felt like the family or society I was in understood me or knew how to support my growth.
I ended up just not talking to anyone about what was going on as I didn't want to take medication.
I found Ultimate Frisbee sophomore year and that helped a lot in terms of giving me a new identity, a community and helping me use my energy. I got healthy, quit smoking and within a couple years was actually invited to compete in the World Games.
Things continued though -- I would still have terrifying visions or get lost in thoughts. I'd have fantastic manias.
In general, I think that I was fortunate to have supportive parents and to be creative and charismatic enough to "get by" and not end up on the street. I did make it through college and grad school (psychology and urban planning).
It wasn't until I fell in love with a woman in med school for psychiatry that I would revisit the idea something might be off - I had just acclimated to life and thought that was it.
Though I ultimately rejected the mainstream ideas about what I should do, I made the diagnosis a dharma not a dogma, and tried to work with what I did know.
I really thank MDMA with being the difference that made the difference. It allowed me to feel my feelings fully and to think that for the first time in my life that I was loveable and a good person. That started me on a path of healing and integration.
Anyhow, more than you asked for but hope this was helpful!
It's hard to say what the original symptoms were. It was like I was solving a riddle of sorts. I was getting signs from all over the place that built on one another. There was a growing sense of excitement inside, sort of like I was on the cusp of some massive discovery. The process of being on the highway to see my girlfriend (I was driving from Edinboro, Pa down to Wake Forest) was all very logical to the view I was holding.
It was sort of like a vision from the early 90s video game spy hunter -- where you power up by driving into the back of the semi.
I recalled seeing signs on the semi that said if you can't see the mirrors the driver can't see you. I got caught up in a dream like sequence of looking at his mirrors and being pulled into the back of the truck.
It was actually a state of ecstatic bliss from what I recall -- like a spiritual orgasm. I felt like I needed to have 100% faith and that if I believed it would work. It was a transcendent state of consciousness.
When I hit the back it was like a shock back into reality. There I was on the roadside, lost, afraid, the truck driver very angry with me.
The police showed up and I just told them the truth. They were puzzled and told me to go home (they called my parents).
I tried to drive back home very disoriented. I stopped at a motel to get my bearings and ended up in a weird scene that felt like Mary & Jesus at the manger -- very Judeo Christian.
I had a lot of guilt about having a beautiful girlfriend -- like I was shallow or something. And for some reason thought I was meant to fall in love with this woman at the motel who I was not attracted to.
When I got home my mom took me to see a psychiatrist. He said it could be schizoaffective disorder or perhaps was something triggered by using psychedelics the previous summer (I had some very beautiful and profound life-altering experiences while on Phish tour.)
When I met Rick Doblin (Maps.org) I shared this experience with him. He sniffed out that I hadn't fully integrated the experience and he pointed out that I was falling in love, and that when you fall in love it is sort of like teleporting -- that you have this deep connection to this other person.
He helped me make sense of that experience and it was as if something in my soul relaxed.
There were elements that felt like tripping.
The thing was, there was a lot of baggage from my childhood that I never dealt with. I stuffed a lot of emotions inside. I was a very sensitive and smart kid and never really felt like the family or society I was in understood me or knew how to support my growth.
I ended up just not talking to anyone about what was going on as I didn't want to take medication.
I found Ultimate Frisbee sophomore year and that helped a lot in terms of giving me a new identity, a community and helping me use my energy. I got healthy, quit smoking and within a couple years was actually invited to compete in the World Games.
Things continued though -- I would still have terrifying visions or get lost in thoughts. I'd have fantastic manias.
In general, I think that I was fortunate to have supportive parents and to be creative and charismatic enough to "get by" and not end up on the street. I did make it through college and grad school (psychology and urban planning).
It wasn't until I fell in love with a woman in med school for psychiatry that I would revisit the idea something might be off - I had just acclimated to life and thought that was it.
Though I ultimately rejected the mainstream ideas about what I should do, I made the diagnosis a dharma not a dogma, and tried to work with what I did know.
I really thank MDMA with being the difference that made the difference. It allowed me to feel my feelings fully and to think that for the first time in my life that I was loveable and a good person. That started me on a path of healing and integration.
Anyhow, more than you asked for but hope this was helpful!