Hi! I am the writer of this piece. To answer your questions:
Your use of the phrase "without use of any limbs" is the problem here. That is not what quadriplegic means. It means that all limbs are affected and at least partially paralyzed by a spinal cord injury, or other injury/illness. My husband's injury level is C 5/6, which is a fairly mid-level injury- higher in the spinal cord than many and lower than others. So every quad is going to do different things than others. My husband, for example, has full sensation all over his body. Many do not. However, he has no use of his fingers, while some do. He can, however, use his upper arms, and adaptive tools, which he has used to do everything you mention: changing diapers, feeding, picking her up and putting her down, and yes, the dishwasher, cooking meals, etc. I have left the baby with him overnight while I was away for work/at the hospital. It takes him a lot longer to change diapers, but about the same amount of time to put a bottle together. He drives (with special controls in a wheelchair van), etc. Many quads do.
There are already many resources--books, videos, myriad articles, etc.--that cover quadriplegia/how spinal cord injuries affect the body/quads and parenting, etc. This was a personal essay. I hope, if you're truly interested, you make use of some of those existing materials.
It sounds like this is the misconception that makes people respond the way they do. If you haven't tried this yet, maybe you'll find that your life improves if you take a moment to describe to your friends what quadriplegic really means. I personally have always assumed it meant "completely paralyzed and helpless."
You could even jumpstart it by saying he's "partially quadriplegic," which of course isn't technically correct but would give uninformed people like myself a better picture of your true situation, and an opening to ask what you mean by that.
That makes everything make so much more sense. I was a paraplegic for a short period. In my case, I had virtually zero feeling below my chest (T5) and no ability to move any of it. I, too, thought quadriplegic meant no function in any limbs. There is a huge difference between no motor control and reduced motor control, and between no sensation and some.
If a woman told me her husband was quadriplegic and I still thought that meant zero sensation and no motor control, I could not help feeling pity. I know what that's like. It's awful. And while I know that doesn't mean the marriage is comfortless, I do know that it makes things very, very hard. But once you say that he has motor control and sensation - well, that's a completely different ball game. Pity is no longer my reflexive response. Now you are just a person with a different set of challenges in your life than most, and a different set of joys to complement them.
Great to hear that you and your husband are doing well. Glad I learned today that quadriplegia doesn't mean what I thought it does. Best of luck!
As you're not gonna change the way people and society understand quadriplegic, why not do yourself a favor and describe just a little bit more precisely the extend of his disabilities (or the definition of the word if you obviously see that the person takes it that you chose to marry someone with no use of any of his limbs), rather than just toss out such "scary" words and then take outrage when people assume the worst things out the vague terms you used.
There are already many resources--books, videos, myriad articles, etc.--that cover quadriplegia/how spinal cord injuries affect the body/quads and parenting, etc. This was a personal essay. I hope, if you're truly interested, you make use of some of those existing materials.