you can imagine how horrified I was to read all the people who are just dripping with contempt for people like me
Don't take it personally. It's a reaction against a tendency in the industry to undervalue hackers and treat them as interchangeable drones. Because good hackers are rare and what they do is incredibly creative, this tendency can't last, so eventually it (and the emotional reaction against it) will pass. (Some of it's also just immaturity. Also some programmers are themselves arrogant - avoid these. Everything we're saying about respect cuts both ways. Besides, they're usually not very good.)
Pay attention to the comments here (aggieben's replies to your questions are worth their weight in gold) and change your thinking accordingly, and you'll be in a better position.
Speaking for myself, what I would want is: a significant share of ownership; an interesting and challenging problem; freedom to work in the best way I know (including freedom to choose my tools and find the best designs); full participation in important decisions; complete mutual respect; the feeling that it is fun to work together (this is a chemistry thing that has nothing to do with stupid motivational tricks); the kind of team where everybody puts their ideas on the table and hammers at them until the best one is agreed on, and nobody cares (or even remembers) who contributed what.
It absolutely has to be "we". I would always give credit to the person with the original idea and expertise (you, in this case), but if I ever felt I was working for that person or that they regarded me as "their" hacker, it would gnaw at me until it ruined my feeling about the thing. It's hard to explain how deeply this goes. I don't want higher status than anybody else; conversely the thought of being pegged at a lower status is intolerable, partly because it's degrading but more importantly because such structures inhibit creativity and that is what I care about most.
Don't take it personally. It's a reaction against a tendency in the industry to undervalue hackers and treat them as interchangeable drones. Because good hackers are rare and what they do is incredibly creative, this tendency can't last, so eventually it (and the emotional reaction against it) will pass. (Some of it's also just immaturity. Also some programmers are themselves arrogant - avoid these. Everything we're saying about respect cuts both ways. Besides, they're usually not very good.)
Pay attention to the comments here (aggieben's replies to your questions are worth their weight in gold) and change your thinking accordingly, and you'll be in a better position.
Speaking for myself, what I would want is: a significant share of ownership; an interesting and challenging problem; freedom to work in the best way I know (including freedom to choose my tools and find the best designs); full participation in important decisions; complete mutual respect; the feeling that it is fun to work together (this is a chemistry thing that has nothing to do with stupid motivational tricks); the kind of team where everybody puts their ideas on the table and hammers at them until the best one is agreed on, and nobody cares (or even remembers) who contributed what.
It absolutely has to be "we". I would always give credit to the person with the original idea and expertise (you, in this case), but if I ever felt I was working for that person or that they regarded me as "their" hacker, it would gnaw at me until it ruined my feeling about the thing. It's hard to explain how deeply this goes. I don't want higher status than anybody else; conversely the thought of being pegged at a lower status is intolerable, partly because it's degrading but more importantly because such structures inhibit creativity and that is what I care about most.