I've found human lives to consist in significant part of feedback loops. Positive feedback loops, and negative feedback loops.
A person receiving positive feedback tends to feel better, be more socially comfortable and engaging, and to receive resources that help them on their journey.
This response and that assistance actually helps them become better. Better nutrition, more attentive and patient instruction. Etc. It's not just that things are done for them; it's that the feedback loops can improve their own performance.
A person receiving negative feedback tends to feel worse, to be socially uncomfortable and isolated, and the be denied helpful resources and assistance.
The negative feedback loop can result in that person withdrawing more and more. I've been there: Most people do not want to be where they are not welcome. It is one of the worst feelings.
Negative feedback loops tend to spill over into one's physical health, and that unhealthiness furthers the rejection.
It is not just the "big things." People with a popular appearance routinely get bigger servings, more engaged and attentive care. More respect.
It's pervasive. Pay attention. You'll see it all around you, every day, everywhere.
I've been burned a few times by "attractive" people who deliberately used this to their advantage. And I've been slowly figuring out, at an emotional, "feel it" level -- as opposed to intellectual -- why some people outright pre-emptively reject attractive people.
They've learned a life lesson: Interacting with those people too often places them on the losing side. Whether they are being deliberately used by those people, or just because of the comparative way they are treated by surrounding people.
That's the basis of social-belonging and other mindset interventions.[1]
For example, when you encounters difficulty as a freshman in college, do you think "I don't belong here", or "everyone has difficulties - I can get help, work hard, and succeed, like I've done in the past". Students who feel like they belong, build stronger support networks, more readily get help, feel better, and so. Both narratives then do feedback, and outcomes diverge. So surprisingly small interventions, to nudge the initial interpretation, like an hour in high school, or an essay at the beginning of a course, can have a surprisingly large impact.
I wonder if the future will look back our current lack of mental hygiene interventions, the way we now look back at the 1800's lack of physical hygiene interventions. Something like, well, it took a couple of decades, but NYC finally stopped politically-connected brewers from killing hundreds of children with adulterated milk from sick cows.[2]
It's quite interesting to me that you can find homeostasis in physiological systems, but not in social systems, where runaway effects prevail. And seemingly a more robust social system would create a tendency for people to reach a more stable social state rather then continue to descend in a downward spiral.
(BTW the "negative feedback" loop mentioned in this topic is technically still a positive feedback, because the effects of the cause produces more of the cause. True negative feedback creates a counteractive force that promotes equilibrium- it has nothing to do with emotional negativity)
That's a good point. I guess I might have more accurately stated them as "positive psychological/physiological feedback loop" and "negative psychological/physiological feedback loop.
You're right, as I describe them, both are "positive" in terms of reinforcing amplification.
It's true. Most of my popularity comes from outliving my enemies.
But in all seriousness, I am intrigued with the idea that merely by being popular, it will affect your DNA and turn on genes that correlate good health.
Causality is likely backwards. People who are damaged by their environment or by getting unfortunate genetics end up both becoming unpopular and lowering their life expectancy. IQ is likely also correlated for the same reason to both.
i think that is generally true, but our frame of mind has huge impacts. I'm making up a contrived example, but someone who is not popular _could_ feel anxiety, sparking an immune response to nothing that results in allergies and other gene activations.
Relationships stemming from likability have more health benefits than status:
"Yet this same research reveals that there is more than one type of popularity, and most of us may be investing in the wrong kind. Likability reflects kindness, benevolent leadership and selfless, prosocial behavior. Research suggests that this form of popularity offers lifelong advantages, and leads to relationships that confer the greatest health benefits.
Likability is markedly different from status — an ultimately less satisfying form of popularity that reflects visibility, influence, power and prestige. Status can be quantified by social media followers; likability cannot."
I find it problematic that the only controls consistently accounted for are age, sex, and race.
I think they are making too big a claim, and they would've generated a more useful insight if they were controlling for pathological behaviors as well.
Are popular alcoholics likely to live longer? How about popular obese people? Is there, perhaps, a causal relation between being isolated/unpopular and pathological behaviors?
The study itself (the pnas source--and by the way, thanks to the NY Times for linking to the source) smacks of p-value fishing combined with making the most grandiose claim you can based on those p-values.
I'm not saying the paper is wrong in a mathematically provable way or that it couldn't be replicated. I'm saying that it isn't science that is meaningful or useful. It strikes me as resume-driven science.
It's a meta study. That means the authors themselves haven't gathered any data but used data from other studies and done some number crunching on it. There have already been hundreds of studies which have found links between loneliness factors and mortality. This study's authors contribution to the science is estimating the size, or strength, of that link.
Popular people are more affluent, affluent people have greater resources to expending on their quality of life, people with better QOLs live longer, thus popular people live longer?
Misinterpreting cause and correlation, am I doing this correctly?
I have considered suicide for the past 30 years. I tried very hard to build a life in the confines of whatever limitations I've been given and/or created for myself. I determine that the nature of humanity is to seek power. This study reminds me of why this world is total bullshit. I've notified to be part of this world anymore. I'm connected into this universe more than I ever have been. There is a black hole awaiting me
Back when I was depressed modal realism cured me of any suicidality. How can one possibly think the suffering, loneliness and utter pointlessness of life can be preferable to the sweet oblivion of non-existence? My answer is non-existence may indeed be preferable to life but it’s not at all clear that non-existence exists. What the Everett interpretation, Egan's Dust theory, the mere fact that the mind is finite and the universe is infinite (and finite patters recur in infinity an infinite amount of times) forces me to consider is the prospect that any attempt to commit suicide, no matter how thorough, could result in a subjective experience of the consequences of a failed suicide attempt in which "I" am unable to escape, even through suicide. The idea that the universe owes you nothing, not even nonexistence, was what killed any suicidality in me. Odd that a depressing thought would work so well when appeals to optimism did not, but makes a sort of sense considering how depressed people think.
The points that you bring up are precisely why I wish to self terminate, Yet our old saw the very reason why I am unable to complete the job. What a miserable existence to be stuck between the unending desire to die and the knowledge that death could actually be an infinitely worse fate.
They're also the basis for why I rationalize against procreation, at least for myself
I've mentioned this in a few comments, but Kratom is a substance that has given me a taste of what it's like to turn-off all the clutter in my head and see the world the way people without anxiety see it. It can be dangerous to do too much but it has given me a glimmer as to how "normal" people see things - and something to strive toward through meditation or exercise. You will never be able to turn off the anxious or depressed parts of your neurology and to be honest they really do dumb you/us (people like me) down but trying the substance has given me the contrast to realize life doesn't have to feel that way. The truth is there is no known "nature to humanity", you are simply assigning one. We live and then die. I have thought a lot about what "power" even "is" and when you break it down it's really just the ability to do something unique that others are willing to confer their attention or some other currency to and much of it is based on deeply ingrained assumptions, some of these assumptions are fluctuating and some are constant. If you are worried that humans just want to control everything and will eventually destroy the world you are probably right - but even if we didn't, the earth still won't last forever. One of the ways to deal with anxiety and depression is just to learn to let it go and be fascinated by the moment.
> just use unregulated and untested drugs! that will fix your problems and totally won't put you in deeper shit!
I'm so sick of seeing this "advice" everywhere on the internet. I've seen it on Twitter, on Reddit, and now here. Don't recommend drugs to people if you're not a doctor.
No, not really. The recommendation moves from explicit to implicit.
It's good that the drugs helped you, but it's not the same thing as saying "I went to a doctor and they put me on X and it helped." When you're talking about doing drugs outside of that paradigm, we don't know how many people have been hurt rather than helped. If 9 out of 10 people are harmed, you were just the lucky one.
I guess if they're aware of the risks it might be ok. But it's so seductive to believe that a substance can change all your problems. It's almost never the case, and it can do a lot of harm in the process.
Eh, I'd disagree. I relate to where you're coming from with that point, but if someone were to die on Xanax, we'd hear about it. If you die while taking Kratom, you're just a statistic. Worse is if your mental machinery is screwed up by the experience: then nobody hears and you just have to live with it.
Please don't commit suicide. You and the world will both be worse off. If you need to talk to someone about it 1-800-273-8255 is available 24 hours a day.
Have you considered the thinking beyond your own blip of life? The death of other, does not signify anything. It is merely death. It is the failure of the conscious mind to see death beyond its facial value. Death. It is freeing.
Why not just leave your job, walk out of your home, leave everything behind and travel to somewhere far away where interesting people reside? There is so much left to try before suicide. It's like blowing up your car because you ran out of gas.
I'm in tune with the universe, I knew three days ago to get out of where I was at 7:59am. I was given this message. Sure enough the yellow truck showed up at 7:59am.
I just want to die now. I don't like the nature of reality, humanity, and how I fit into it all.
Surely the universe is not homogenous. You will encounter different types of people living at a Shaolin monastery vs working as a stock person at the supermarket.
As a Christian dude, I try to "...love your neighbor as you'd love yourself" far more than attaining popularity/power/etc; varying degrees of grief, but also much joy have resulted from this struggle.
Totally understand that many think religions, in general, are BS/fake/etc. Have you considered reaching out to counseling services or a local support group (can be friends/family) to work thru stuff?
My bible study group meets weekly to study/discuss/act on some of the more obvious positive stuff from the Bible. We also support each other thru life in general. I think having a positive group that regularly meets to support each other is super conducive to life improvement as well as helping you thru darker times.
I want to say something meaningful to you, but I am not sure what. I don't disagree about the end. But... Something about being alive. The possibility. It is more than than the end. It is a small candle, but... It is still a light.
It might be our nature, but we can still decide. We have that ability.
If you were not trying to be poetic, religious or weren't under any influence, I thought I'd let you know that what you wrote sounds like meaningless word salad to me. It could be wise to consider seeking professional help to ensure everything is alright.
And as for concluding thoughts about world and human nature, I could suggest studying academic philosophy of those topic if you have extra time - to explore the enormous complexities that lies underneath those notions.
(note: Writing this comment at 4'o clock in the morning)
That I am able only to produce "meaningless word salad" as you put it is yet another reminder of why I am out of here.
Everything is fine. The world will go on without me. The only thing wrong is that I'm still alive.
You want me to study philosophy? My issues with the primal nature of humanity is merely the surface issue. I decided long ago as a child that such behaviors are enough reason to never procreate and planted the strong seed of incessant suicidality.
Ive already spent a lifetime exploring complexity. Enough already.
You make a loose assessment about my ability to construct cohesive paragraphs, and suggest I should seek help to see if there's something wrong with me that might be causing such jibberish to emanate from my broken brain.
If you're right, it's death that I seek, not help.
Maybe think about what good you can do for those far less fortunate than you, such as animals in shelters for a positive example. Any positivity you can create in that world has a ripple effect of positivity to the lives they touch. Benevolence to the weak might feel so rewarding to feel like meaning. (That worked for me, when I was annoyed by humanity.)
Yes, black holes. Life is essentially struggling, scrolling, stuffing. Suicide is the default option. Surprisingly none of us are dead yet. It's not easy to be alive. We continue to give a lot.
I'd suggest you pay a visit to your nearest ER and have the staff there give you some advice.
Melancholic depression, fairly often is a symptom of other known health problems, that we as humans have ways of alleviating.
I'm sure you've spent time and effort towards trying to solve what you are wrestling with now, but if you would like to give it one more chance the best possible thing you could do is pay your nearest ER a visit.
Thanks for advice. This is long term. I don't need nor want er. I want to die.
This is a lifetime desire. I decided as a child this world was shit. I've since seen more and more reasons to never procreate, and my desire to die has been consistent.
I've seen enough of this world. Thank you again. You're doing your part. Some people just want out, however.
I respect that, and accept that you have the right to your own life.
You and your life have had great meaning to me and I will forever be thankful for that.
I would argue that the nature of humanity is to conquer rather than seek power. They often go hand in hand, but not necessarily. Some strive to conquer each other, while some strive to conquer their differences, and some yet strive to conquer themselves (or their personal demons at the very least).
The choice of what you conquer is yours. The world may not care, but the world also cannot choose.
Have you read any Tibetan philosophy? They have thought (and continue to think) about death a lot, and in fact they celebrate it! However this doesn't mean they encourage suicide... If you're interested, you should be able to find some books about it.
Suicide for any able-bodied person privileged enough to be born under good circumstances in the first world is so incredibly selfish. There are so many causes worth fighting for, like bringing a basic income, fixing our medical system, etc. If you're going to kill yourself, at least do it for a cause so that it can help the world and isn't completely in vain. Maybe go to Washington and do a hunger strike in front of the capital.
That being said, do not commit suicide. Happiness is a choice, and you should chose it.
"How dare you feel dissatisfaction with life. By my standards, things are good for you and you're wasting your life. Do something I consider good to make amends."
I'm sure you wonder why depressed people say they don't want to open up about their depression. It's because people like you make a point of pushing them down further and weighing them down with guilt.
Honestly most people I've met who are depressed are just mentally weak people experiencing first world problems. Yes there is that 5-10% that truly have a reason to be, but that's a very small minority.
Depression is not outside of your control. This encouragement of that kind of thinking classifying it as a "disease" is what keeps people depressed (and makes doctors money).
Was reading a book by a now successful guy who was suicidal all throughout his teenage years. He said that feeling suicidal was one of the best things to happen to him because it gave him this risk-taking attitude to just make the bold moves to turn his life around, because if things didn't work out, he could always kill himself.
Honestly it's unfortunate that this is considered too touchy a topic to talk about. We'd have less suicides if we could openly talk about it, and maybe you're committing the sin that you're accusing me of.
This I'll never understand. You're blaming others for being selfish yet ask that they participate furthering causes you believe in. You're asking others to do your work for you!
Nay I say! Free will - or the ability to be as useless as one wants - is one of the very few beautiful things in this world and a basic human right.
I shall not bow to your wicked ways! I shall continue to be completely useless until the last of my breaths! I will self-terminate when and how I please!
And yet ironically suicide is also illegal, and many states don't even have half-way decent right-to-die laws for those with terminal illness.
http://www.everything-game.com personally helped me see more value in life. It actually got me thinking that maybe having children wasn't the worst idea in the world.
Edit: for me personally, I get a lot out of helping people. I try to help people get better jobs and move out to Silicon Valley. I've done this for about half a dozen friends now, and all of them have had a great experience with it. I don't get any financial benefit from it; it's just great to see my friends doing "better" in life and to see them happier / more fulfilled. Same with my exes; I never truly understood why people can be so cruel to people they once loved. I'm happy for any way I've helped people I have loved and I have no desire to try to take anything away from them, even if some of them did shitty things to me. I can only hope that they got something out of it / learned from the bad parts.
So yeah, there's a suggestion for anyone reading this: if you want to try to feel better about being alive, help one of your friends get a better job. Teach them what you know or just help them get their foot in the door if you're in a position to do so.
Well, hat's off to you sir :)
Also, that game looks awesome. Must. Get. Copy. Fast.
About legality - I can see why people are hesitant to legalize suicide as it can be exploited for personal gain or for the thrill of pushing others off track... For the terminally ill it should be granted tho. That's just cruel.
At the above post - I just have a problem with people criticizing suicide as some horrible sin. More sticks! That will bring someone back!
Happiness is a choice?? Life itself is a choice! For all those who have yet to self-terminate and who keep marching off in the unknown I say thank you for still being here and best of luck!
It's not about furthering causes for myself, but causes for humanity.
Depression is within one's control, and this attitude of classifying it as a disease only keeps people feeling helplessly depressed and enriches the pockets of doctors and pharmaceuticals companies. My other comment in this thread: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14655648
I did research this a bit somewhat recently. People who have self immolated in protest have mixed results in realizing any change for their cause. I believe the guy who did this outside a powerful government official's office during the Vietnam war did manage to generate influence.
This is the same conclusion from the Grant Study, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grant_Study . The lead researcher George Vaillant put it as: "Happiness is love. Full stop."
The article distinguishes between likability and status, sure but the survival statistics come from a huge meta-analysis and the status versus likability distinction comes another set of studies (so it's combining two measurement processes, inherently harder than just using one). Given the overall reproduction crisis in psychology, that it turns out rather few studies are actually reliable, it seems entirely plausible that the average of the survival studies didn't control well for wealth and ended up with sociological factors and the status versus likability question is kind of an irrelevant extra.
Except it doesn't! Why? Because the hidden variable is that wealthier people tend to be older! So you can easily construct a "proof" that the wealthier you are the more likely you are to die in the next few years...
Let me just remind you... since you sound like you care a lot/spend a lot of time on those services: if you're on those services you're encouraged to interact with other people who also care a lot/spend a lot of time on those services.
You're self selecting for a group that re-enforces your opinion.
As of 2016, only ~70 percent of adults in the US use facebook. Of those 70%, ~25% use it once a week or less.
>As of 2016, only ~70 percent of adults in the US use facebook. Of those 70%, ~25% use it once a week or less.
That leaves a 75% that use it more than once a week. Let's be charitable and make it only a 25% (1/3 of them) that use it multiple times per week or daily and care about their standing there.
That's still a whooping 40-50 million people, in the US alone, and of those lots of people do care and are influenced by their social media status.
It's not like "even some adults" as if it is as rare as butterfly collectors or septagenarias that are into Eminem or something -- it's a huge social phenomenon.
A 50% of the adult population (70% * ~0.75) that use it more than once a week is already impressive. And 'adults' is the wrong metric, since it includes anyone 18-100. So "70% of adults in the US use FB" doesn't reveal the whole picture, as a lot of them are not even in the relevant demographic (e.g. people that were already 50 or so when FB hit the scene in the mid-late 2000s).
Some might be indeterminate, but when used as "even some adults appear ..." like in the parent comment it clearly implies it's a rare phenomenon.
One would never write "even some adults appear to prefer spicy food" or "even some adults appear to be single" -- things that we know tons of people do.
A person receiving positive feedback tends to feel better, be more socially comfortable and engaging, and to receive resources that help them on their journey.
This response and that assistance actually helps them become better. Better nutrition, more attentive and patient instruction. Etc. It's not just that things are done for them; it's that the feedback loops can improve their own performance.
A person receiving negative feedback tends to feel worse, to be socially uncomfortable and isolated, and the be denied helpful resources and assistance.
The negative feedback loop can result in that person withdrawing more and more. I've been there: Most people do not want to be where they are not welcome. It is one of the worst feelings.
Negative feedback loops tend to spill over into one's physical health, and that unhealthiness furthers the rejection.
It is not just the "big things." People with a popular appearance routinely get bigger servings, more engaged and attentive care. More respect.
It's pervasive. Pay attention. You'll see it all around you, every day, everywhere.
I've been burned a few times by "attractive" people who deliberately used this to their advantage. And I've been slowly figuring out, at an emotional, "feel it" level -- as opposed to intellectual -- why some people outright pre-emptively reject attractive people.
They've learned a life lesson: Interacting with those people too often places them on the losing side. Whether they are being deliberately used by those people, or just because of the comparative way they are treated by surrounding people.