I have a hard time believing anybody starts from absolute zero in these scenarios, but here's an example from a self-proclaimed introvert:
- Pair up with random guy at a school hackathon because we're both without a project (+1). Meet a friend of his (+1).
- Meet him months later for birthday drinks. Introduced to his friend, we end up starting a band with 3 of his friends. (+4)
- Meet countless people through the music scene (+?)
- Go to another hackathon together with first guy, join another pair (+2), win, catch a recruiter's (+1) attention and get an internship.
- Meet countless people over the summer during the internship (+?)
- [...]
That's the very short version. Most of my network can be traced back to like, 4 people that started as strangers. There were a lot of dead-ends initially, sure. But it really does just take one person to build or reshape your entire social circle, change your career, etc. The first set is the hardest imo, but there's no excuse* for not going out and trying to find it.
*excepting, of course, any affliction which might make social interaction difficult. "i'd rather stay home" is not an afflication
It's much easier in a college setting. Much easier.
I've now moved a couple of times in my adult life. I find that it takes about six months to find a group of people to hang out with occasionally, and two years to acquire a small group of friends that I feel comfortable with. It seems to get harder as you get older, too.
In my experience (30+), the truly differentiating factor is the nature of your interests outside of work, your energy level. I like to think of it as optimising your contact surface.
If your interests are not of a social nature, maybe try something that is. I climb a ton and that sport has resulted in so many new and valuable friendships I couldn't even list them here. Also, figure out who you jive with at work, if they have time to hang out and if there are overlapping interests. Invite colleagues to lunch.
Making friends take energy, it is like dating really, where you attempt to determine if there's a match. It might involve getting a beer or doing activities and generally being outside of ones comfort zone. You'll either fail or you'll get to a point where you can both relax comfortably. But it is going to be work for a while.
Personal anecdote:
I was in NY for 3 months for work and my luck was that my primary hobby, climbing, is a very social activity and walking up to strangers is sort of welcomed. I spent the first month never turning down an invitation from colleagues and making an effort of talking to people at the gym. The first month was rather gruelling, and I sometimes felt like I was intruding on people's good will and perhaps their pity of me being alone in a new city. But after the initial brutality, my coworkers became comfortable around me and started inviting me to things they went to and I became a part of a small group of regulars at the climbing gym. I made a bunch of friends for life and I miss them dearly now that I am back again.
Find some activity you're interested in and go do stuff. Attend a convention, go to a concert, take a class, join a club, volunteer for an event or a cause. Meeting people who share one or more of your interests or passions is an excellent way to grow your friend group. It's actually shockingly easy to meet people if you're even a little active and willing to put forth some effort.
Yes, I've found Meetup to be very useful in finding like-minded, social people. More difficult to make close friends, but significantly expands your ability to do so.
