If, in having a kid, you don't suddenly come to a few realizations on what is truly important to you and in all the ways you've been wasting time, then either you're an ubermensch of productivity or you may have some unresolved emotional issues and I would highly encourage seeking counseling.
I'm sorry, that's not meant as a dismissal. I mean it quite literally. There have been three things in my life that have improved it immensely: therapy, getting married, and having a kid. Everything else is window dressing.
I needed therapy to learn how to evaluate myself. I needed to get married to start feeling comfortable with myself. And I needed to have a kid to realize my low six-figure web and database consulting business was never going to have a meaningful impact on the world and I needed to focus on my VR project.
I've learned that commenting on Reddit does not make me happy. Playing video games does not make me happy. Watching TV and reading books doesn't make me happy. They are occasionally enjoyable, but to make these things a regular part of my life is just a holding pattern, a low-grade dopamine hit that just maintains the current state. What makes me actually, really happy, actually making progress towards not feeling depressed, not feeling anxious, is spending time with my wife and son and making progress on my passion project.
And I say "making progress" specifically, rather than "working on". Going through therapy gave me a new set of skills on being more objective towards evaluating my own life, admitting to myself when things are sunk costs, not going anywhere, etc. I come from a long line of "creative procrastinators". We are the sort of people who put off filing taxes at the end of the year by cleaning the house. It stems out of fear of the unknown, but the point is that we are very good at slipping into the terrible habit of being active instead of productive. I've had many a project that I thought was "the one" that was going to be my startup, and I'd inevitably slip into micro focusing on technical details rather than keeping an eye on the goal and focusing on doing those things that make progress towards them.
I got a little lucky in that I was able to find a great, small team of people to make that work my day job. It's "luck" in the sense that I had to be in the right places at the right time to draw their attention to eventually negotiate a partnership. But it wasn't "if you build it, they will come". That movie is about a literal miracle. I had to stop dicking around on code 100% of my time and start focusing more time on marketing myself.
Quit hanging out in bars. Quit hanging out with the "friends" you only sort of like, but you secretly suspect are only in your life because they are in your extended circle. Quit spending all morning on HN, Twitter, Facebook. Be honest with yourself. You already know what is keeping you from progressing. You just have to stop relying on emotional crutches so you can discard them and focus on what is important.
I'm sorry, that's not meant as a dismissal. I mean it quite literally. There have been three things in my life that have improved it immensely: therapy, getting married, and having a kid. Everything else is window dressing.
I needed therapy to learn how to evaluate myself. I needed to get married to start feeling comfortable with myself. And I needed to have a kid to realize my low six-figure web and database consulting business was never going to have a meaningful impact on the world and I needed to focus on my VR project.
I've learned that commenting on Reddit does not make me happy. Playing video games does not make me happy. Watching TV and reading books doesn't make me happy. They are occasionally enjoyable, but to make these things a regular part of my life is just a holding pattern, a low-grade dopamine hit that just maintains the current state. What makes me actually, really happy, actually making progress towards not feeling depressed, not feeling anxious, is spending time with my wife and son and making progress on my passion project.
And I say "making progress" specifically, rather than "working on". Going through therapy gave me a new set of skills on being more objective towards evaluating my own life, admitting to myself when things are sunk costs, not going anywhere, etc. I come from a long line of "creative procrastinators". We are the sort of people who put off filing taxes at the end of the year by cleaning the house. It stems out of fear of the unknown, but the point is that we are very good at slipping into the terrible habit of being active instead of productive. I've had many a project that I thought was "the one" that was going to be my startup, and I'd inevitably slip into micro focusing on technical details rather than keeping an eye on the goal and focusing on doing those things that make progress towards them.
I got a little lucky in that I was able to find a great, small team of people to make that work my day job. It's "luck" in the sense that I had to be in the right places at the right time to draw their attention to eventually negotiate a partnership. But it wasn't "if you build it, they will come". That movie is about a literal miracle. I had to stop dicking around on code 100% of my time and start focusing more time on marketing myself.
Quit hanging out in bars. Quit hanging out with the "friends" you only sort of like, but you secretly suspect are only in your life because they are in your extended circle. Quit spending all morning on HN, Twitter, Facebook. Be honest with yourself. You already know what is keeping you from progressing. You just have to stop relying on emotional crutches so you can discard them and focus on what is important.