I recently—early last year—faced real burnout for the first time and it has had devastating effects for quite some time. Up until then I considered myself to have some level of fortitude such that amongst my many failings, I managed to maintain a strong level of enthusiasm for development and work ethic in general. I wanted to work. I wanted to do well. I wanted to make new things on the web. I wanted to do this with smart people who held the same interests. Working at the last company that I did progressively got more and more dismal until it came to an unfortunate and abrupt end. All of the positive attributes that I just mentioned went away. I’m just now coming out of this after having been unemployed for almost a year, unable to successfully find work and having to overcome all the previously mentioned hurdles.
My Story.
Starting in mid-2015 I was contacted by a recruiter working out of Vancouver about a job in the area. I was living at home in Winnipeg at the time, needed the money (much better than I was capable of making locally), needed the work itself and further experience. I spoke with the recruiter, did an interview, and was left with a tough decision to make. I knew the company was a large corporate entity which I knew I wouldn’t fare well at. But, the money was literally twice what I had brought in previously and the location much better. I also hadn’t worked at a large corp. until then and was basing my hesitation upon my personality and gut instinct rather than hard experience. It was also one of the largest auction companies in the world, so I figured at the very least it’ll be good experience. It’ll give me the money and power to do something different if I need to right? So I gave it a go. I accepted the offer, said goodbye, and moved.
The day I started was an Agile workshop. Hallmark of corporate stooge hell. This isn’t in and of itself all that interesting, but in retrospect I should have started panicking. Anyway, the first few weeks were strange. I was handed a large and heavy HP “workhorse” laptop, tasked with nothing in particular and went about my business of inspecting the website to see where improvements might need to be made. I made an effort to get acquainted with everyone in the office, some of which helped me get my dev environment set up. This was a project. No documentation to speak of. No standard image, package, zip file, consistency. The code base was pulled from SVN (I can elaborate on the stack if anyone is curious) and configured using one of my colleague’s environments as an example. Everyone seemed to have their own slight variant of course and there wasn’t one base, definitely working version, to go off. The codebase was monolithic, inconsistent, slow, and undocumented. It made “going faster”—one of my supervisor’s favourite catchphrases—impossible, and “breaking things” the only element of consistency other than stress. So for the first 6 months I pushed through and things were going okay. I got along well with my colleagues and managed to get a decent amount done through sheer brute force. The arcane knowledge of a few veterans and the support of a good team helped get me there.
Six months in and my contract up, I still had confidence in my abilities, was stressed out but not insurmountably so, and enjoyed living in BC. I knew that this wasn’t a long-term thing for me, but was able to circumvent some of the archaic policies that had detrimental effects on my work. I was learning a little about how to work with large legacy codebases and on teams. I was also learning about what it’s like working in a office in which the managers truly don’t care and internal politics supersede everything. First experience witnessing blatant favouritism, backstabbing, and slightly more subtle sexism. Anyhow, managing to secure a raise and renewed contract, I pushed through into the new year. Weeks prior there was a bit of a team change up (department consisted of roughly 5 teams, somewhat arbitrarily put together from the top-down). Front-end people were moved around a bit. Not a huge change, not a huge problem. I worked closely with the other team dealing with the front-end web stuff and had a vague idea that they were going to working on a new high value re-design. Coming into the new year, management made the decision to completely re-configure the teams and then immediately start this new project. Of course, with tight deadlines. My new team, tasked with this new project, had no domain knowledge to speak of. The other front-end dev which had been integral to the R&D + planning of it was tasked with something completely different. Great. Tight deadlines to not only learn how to work with a different team, within a different team structure, switch contexts to a foreign part of the system, in a noisy grey office, and operating on a dev stack more fragile than Donald Trump’s policy decisions. So I did my best. I started trying to build a solid foundation of communication amongst team members, attempted to plan a sound process for which to get things done, and advocated for things that would help us do this. But I was also speaking with others and started looking for other work here and there. Getting my resume ready and so forth.
By this point, I was starting to really feel burnt out. My interest in open source was fading. I wasn’t encouraged to experiment with new things, directly and indirectly as a result of ludicrous deadlines, I was losing confidence in my efficacy, and wanted to escape as often as I could. I became the bottleneck in the team because I couldn’t get anything done. Meetings, noise, stress, broken builds, slow builds, not enough points, no documentation, slow hardware, slow libraries, no true responsibility, no time to improve things, no help with improving things, resentment within the team, literal alienation through isolation of team members. Going faster was a far off dream. Going at all would have been a step in the right direction. My normal emotionally mature, generally muted self turned into a much more quick to irritate and react self. It was getting bad quick.
I had previously booked a short 1 week vacation at a point that wasn’t supposed to be too busy. Management seemed irritated that I took it because the project ran straight through it, now way past deadline. It was a wake up call. I went home, collected my thoughts, drove thousands of KM, and gained some perspective. When I got back I was going to actively pursue leaving more than previously, and figure out a way to get this project done. Fortunately, I got back and was promptly fired. I saw it coming. Managers had been planning this for a while. Not a confidence booster and I was already too late. I was burnt out.
So I packed up my crap, said goodbye to everyone, met up a few more times with them (while maintaining some friends and connections) and took some well needed time off. I needed to enjoy myself. I don’t know how this would have played out had it just been that. Tragically though, this coincided with the news of my grandmother falling critically ill back home. I flew back and spent the next two months helping my family through a very rough time. Enjoying myself though I did in the time I could, it was in large part a period of time spent watching a key family member pass away. I did not look for work during this time, and all of these things coming together likely contributed to every part of this becoming more difficult.
Upon arrival back home I found it an arduous task at a minimum gathering the spirit and curiosity I once had. I didn’t care about practicing my career and now had dependancies to finance. I couldn’t focus easily, I couldn’t find anything interesting and obtainable, a multitude of job interviews came and went, and money was disappearing quickly. I was stuck. But, I still had my hobbies. Skateboarding, friends, and adventure all kept me going. I was able to maintain perseverance if nothing else. Eventually, it slowly started coming back. Very slowly. I found a unique conference in Europe to attend surrounding web graphics and climate science which I thought would really help me get back into it. By introducing me to new tech, brilliant people, and coupling it with adventure, I made a small step forward. I started working with visualization more, reading more theory, exploring subjects outside my comfort zone, and kept going forward. Still slowly, but kind of getting there.
In late December I was offered some part-time work installing a CKAN Open Data portal for a University which was not only not something I had not done before, but it fit directly in-line with what I want to be working on again. Now in March I’ve come to the end of that, made a tiny bit of money, but am still essentially income-less, unsuccessful at finding consistent work, and still struggle with motivation. On the upside, I have an idea of what I want to be doing. I’ve met more people and done more interesting things than ever before. I’ve regained a good amount of confidence in my skill, a good amount of ambition, and am still in the best health/physical condition I’ve ever been in. The mental health is the harder part, it’s been 10 long months.
To anyone here going through something similar, don’t give up. Keep pushing. Introduce variety and try new things. Meet smart people and ask for advice. Have fun. The bounce-back is very slow, and ongoing for me personally, but I think you can get through it.
I've burnt out many times, been out of work for many years, am still pretty burnt out, actually. All I can say is the tech profession is not for everyone. It can start out interesting, but eventually you might come to realize it's not for you. It can be difficult and scary to switch careers though... even harder as you get older. The older I get the more trapped I feel in this profession, and the less I want to do it. But I don't have much choice.
Thank you for that story. Though not related to a corporate environment, I've been going through something similiar after a few personal projects of mine have fell through, voiding me of some resume material for a switch in software environment for now. Failure is very important to build up knowledge and experience, but at some point I got lost in the details that you can't research, in the important bits that make software 'work' well and are architected nicely enough to be used professionally.
Do you mean that you spent to much time with not much to show and now have an apparent gap in work history? Is it more of a present feeling of being lost in the weeds of those projects?
More of, the software I'm working with doesn't have a clear direction of how to build things 'properly' and not hack together solutions. Really all software has that problem if you're not experienced enough. For example, its like getting started building a SaaS by yourself so you can work at a company that develops them. The experience the individuals working for a company is going to far surpass your own, so you gotta throw yourself at the wall anyways trying to make it all work, and be an example you can point employers to and tell them all about how you use tests and deployments and handle data and such.
So, when she says burnout comes from not being able to do the things you love, like spending extra time with your family by working from home - seems somewhat hypocritical..
Fuck what Yahoo are doing, they're dead in the water.
What annoys me more about modern workplace culture is the inflexibility that companies adopt on almost any every facet of employee work life. A little flexibility around how employees go about performing their work could make a huge impact on their employee's quality of life. Large companies are particularly problematic. For example:
* No working from home, period. Despite technology and comms being so advanced now most jobs could probably be performed from the moon.
* 20 holiday days per annum and no negotiation around how one might earn, purchase or simply request additional time off in the form of unpaid leave
* No flexitime - in at 9am, out at 5pm...hour for lunch, that's your lot. Sucks to be you, enjoy being stuck in rush hour traffic twice a day
* More often than I hoped would be the case in 2017, many companies enforce a strict dress code even for people working behind the scenes. Some of the biggest morons I've had to work with have been devout wearers of the suit and tie (or female equivalent)
Your last point made me laugh. I worked in a call center with a dress code, including forbidding certain types of footwear (no open toes or heals. Safety around the office chairs, after all). It always struck me as ridiculous, since not only could customers not see us, but for security reasons, we couldn't give out our location (inbound collections for a phone company).
They tried to say it made us act more professional, and I always viewed it as another method of control.
The rest of your points is my basic attitude as well.
If it's in at 9am, out at 5pm that's great... my experience was more like: you have to be in at 9am at the latest, but almost every day you get stuck until 7-8pm or more. And if you're late 15 minutes in the morning it's a huge deal, but staying 2-3 hours longer is just fine, even recommended if you wish to get good assessments. And they honestly couldn't understand why all senior engineers are leaving them after a year or so.
I think I've /wanted/ it but have never experienced it because this is how I want all meetings to go:
* Someone makes a list of the points to discuss and the initial background on them.
* Everyone else contributes to clarifying the points and data, as well as possible reactions/conclusions.
* At some point the data is summarized and whoever does make the decisions does so.
* That feeds in to the next 'meeting'.
All of this, of course, happens without ACTUALLY having a meeting; it's just scheduling sync points to have contributes (if you are contributing) in before the deadlines.
My comment was actually sarcasm, but it's worth discussing. What you describe is one way that an ideal process can work, but actually make things worse when put into practice by people whose job it is to meetings. You want to batch them and optimize, but what I've seen managers do is take these principles and increase the amount of meetings. If there's time to spare because of less meetings, you might as well book a meeting to plan ahead.
Of course it's worth noting that in a "remote-first"—a term I love and a principle I can get behind—environment, these people wouldn't have anything to do.
+1 internets for you. I wrote about my experience extensively in this thread. Didn't make any reference to these specifically but they pretty well hold true and existed where I last worked. Not so compelling for modern developers.
I don't know if you call it burnout or what but I've done very little at my jobs the past few years. I can't make myself code. I may do one day of work a week. But oddly, this has been enough! I was sitting on my hands at a contract gig for over a month, told a friend I feared I may be fired. Then got a good review from the client manager. Blew me away.
I've found that the more time I spend doing low level code at my job, the less work they think I'm doing. The more you email and be at your desk, the harder they think you're working. I've realized that performance is relative rather than absolute, and if you're the only tech guy working in the office, there's no one to compare your performance against.
Just last week, they dumped a huge amount of server work on me. The next day, I told them I was working remotely to get the work done, and they get pissed. They make it seem like I'm taking the day off. Huh?
That's the double edged sword, and worse still is that they don't realize how much of an art getting old or not inherently compatible things to interact correctly is. Duct tape, shell scripts, and even small programs to reshape data are an art.
I had a job like that and remember reading about a guy who did literally nothing for 7 years before getting caught and then suddenly realizing they hadn't been developing their career skills and found it very difficult to have years of experience without the actual skill for the apparent experience he should have had.
I quickly left that job and worked harder and am very glad to have gotten everything back on track and am much happier with life because of it.
Well, in honesty when I do work I get stuff my manager cares about done. My theory is I'm surviving on "success is binary", either do whats expected or not. Or did you mean something else?
Had do make a throaway to comment... Same situation, but I'm getting a promotion! In fact, I refused one last year, but now I'm getting one I like.
I don't like the place anymore, and can't absolutely care about anything there (I do like some of the people). The pay is good, so I didn't quit. I though the problem would self correct once I get a bad evaluation or something.
How can people not notice I'm working one day a week?
I used to work with a programmer who literally did nothing for over a year - he came into the office and sat there browsing the web. He was the highest paid employee. Everyone knew it was happening (including the clients) but no one mentioned it.
The company was too small to promote him to a manager position, which as far as I can tell is how the situation is often dealt with in big companies, i.e. pass the buck to another department.
The word "burnout" is a less-precise and not-all-that-useful way of describing existing, known psychological conditions, such as depression and trauma. In other words I don't really think burnout is a thing, and I think it does a disservice by inadvertently encouraging, via its analogy, the common misconception that it's just a matter of working too much. You are not just working too much or too hard, you are being traumatized by dehumanizing and stressful conditions that fall into known-harmful patterns - shitty, inhuman practices that create low-level, long-term trauma.
I have gotten burnout a few times over the last few years, and every time my reaction has been to drop the company like hot cakes and take care of myself. I never understood all the braying about loyalty to a company. They aren't loyal to employees, if the roles were reversed and I did the things they did to me they would have fired me on the spot. In the end I think people have forgotten that their work is nothing more than an at will contract, and they can walk away anytime. I'm always reminded of Chomsky talking about the early industrial revolution and saying many people thought of the 5 day work week as only slightly better than chattel slavery, the only difference being you get to go home at the end of the day.
Of course there are consequences to such actions. If you live a lifestyle of debt, and you can't afford a few months without work due to all the needed payments, it becomes more and more difficult to break away from intuitively bad situations. To me, the real cause of burnout is the hopelessness that comes with being stuck in a bad situation and being unable to get out of it. Even if sometimes its more mind forged than reality.
For me, work has always been a means to an end. Since I got out of the Marines work was what financed my efforts to study and understand the highest level geopolitical picture because I was not satisfied with the answers to my questions about our wars. In the process I became a pretty good sysadmin, and tried to maintain excellence in what I did, but what I often found was incompetence or mismanagement prevented me from being as effective as I could be. Once a certain level of frustration was hit that wasn't justified to my salary, I knew it was time to go. For me then, pay really did factor in, but employers are drastically underpaying IT workers in Texas so my bullshit tolerance levels were lower than they could should have been if salaries matched work. I was also never perfect, and separation from a company has often been the move I needed to reevaluate and improve my skills, for example, For a long time I just wanted to be a senior sysadmin in the server room just doing all the hard, high level back end work, but I've learned that if no one is playing the meeting room, board room political/business games for the IT department, those more technical roles can't get their job done without interruption. Which is why I am increasingly interested in the role of CTOs and CIOs who are the ones who should be doing that for an IT department.
Bottom line is, burnout happens, don't be afraid to break away from it for your own health, and learn lessons in the process. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them.
I've definitely felt the effects before and have dropped at least one job over it. So why are these threads filled with people complaining about unreasonable workloads but we don't hear it from coworkers? And what is a burnt out dev to do if they don't wish to work in the standard corporate structure? I mean, even Google don't offer 6 hour days or work from home (unless you're SRE for which work from home is required).
A 'you got to work on that burnout of yours, jeff overcame his way faster' article. It had potential for a awesome parody- you need a Kan-board, some charts to watch your burn-out rate, and you got to go all in - mocking the produces of burnouts trying to use the tools with which they cause burnout on people who are to devoted. Finally, a reference to Meta-Burnout, getting a burnout on your burnout while you solve it with these tools, and a reference to the article to solve these problem by recursion.
TL:DR; (Worth the read though)
I recently—early last year—faced real burnout for the first time and it has had devastating effects for quite some time. Up until then I considered myself to have some level of fortitude such that amongst my many failings, I managed to maintain a strong level of enthusiasm for development and work ethic in general. I wanted to work. I wanted to do well. I wanted to make new things on the web. I wanted to do this with smart people who held the same interests. Working at the last company that I did progressively got more and more dismal until it came to an unfortunate and abrupt end. All of the positive attributes that I just mentioned went away. I’m just now coming out of this after having been unemployed for almost a year, unable to successfully find work and having to overcome all the previously mentioned hurdles.
My Story.
Starting in mid-2015 I was contacted by a recruiter working out of Vancouver about a job in the area. I was living at home in Winnipeg at the time, needed the money (much better than I was capable of making locally), needed the work itself and further experience. I spoke with the recruiter, did an interview, and was left with a tough decision to make. I knew the company was a large corporate entity which I knew I wouldn’t fare well at. But, the money was literally twice what I had brought in previously and the location much better. I also hadn’t worked at a large corp. until then and was basing my hesitation upon my personality and gut instinct rather than hard experience. It was also one of the largest auction companies in the world, so I figured at the very least it’ll be good experience. It’ll give me the money and power to do something different if I need to right? So I gave it a go. I accepted the offer, said goodbye, and moved.
The day I started was an Agile workshop. Hallmark of corporate stooge hell. This isn’t in and of itself all that interesting, but in retrospect I should have started panicking. Anyway, the first few weeks were strange. I was handed a large and heavy HP “workhorse” laptop, tasked with nothing in particular and went about my business of inspecting the website to see where improvements might need to be made. I made an effort to get acquainted with everyone in the office, some of which helped me get my dev environment set up. This was a project. No documentation to speak of. No standard image, package, zip file, consistency. The code base was pulled from SVN (I can elaborate on the stack if anyone is curious) and configured using one of my colleague’s environments as an example. Everyone seemed to have their own slight variant of course and there wasn’t one base, definitely working version, to go off. The codebase was monolithic, inconsistent, slow, and undocumented. It made “going faster”—one of my supervisor’s favourite catchphrases—impossible, and “breaking things” the only element of consistency other than stress. So for the first 6 months I pushed through and things were going okay. I got along well with my colleagues and managed to get a decent amount done through sheer brute force. The arcane knowledge of a few veterans and the support of a good team helped get me there.
Six months in and my contract up, I still had confidence in my abilities, was stressed out but not insurmountably so, and enjoyed living in BC. I knew that this wasn’t a long-term thing for me, but was able to circumvent some of the archaic policies that had detrimental effects on my work. I was learning a little about how to work with large legacy codebases and on teams. I was also learning about what it’s like working in a office in which the managers truly don’t care and internal politics supersede everything. First experience witnessing blatant favouritism, backstabbing, and slightly more subtle sexism. Anyhow, managing to secure a raise and renewed contract, I pushed through into the new year. Weeks prior there was a bit of a team change up (department consisted of roughly 5 teams, somewhat arbitrarily put together from the top-down). Front-end people were moved around a bit. Not a huge change, not a huge problem. I worked closely with the other team dealing with the front-end web stuff and had a vague idea that they were going to working on a new high value re-design. Coming into the new year, management made the decision to completely re-configure the teams and then immediately start this new project. Of course, with tight deadlines. My new team, tasked with this new project, had no domain knowledge to speak of. The other front-end dev which had been integral to the R&D + planning of it was tasked with something completely different. Great. Tight deadlines to not only learn how to work with a different team, within a different team structure, switch contexts to a foreign part of the system, in a noisy grey office, and operating on a dev stack more fragile than Donald Trump’s policy decisions. So I did my best. I started trying to build a solid foundation of communication amongst team members, attempted to plan a sound process for which to get things done, and advocated for things that would help us do this. But I was also speaking with others and started looking for other work here and there. Getting my resume ready and so forth.
By this point, I was starting to really feel burnt out. My interest in open source was fading. I wasn’t encouraged to experiment with new things, directly and indirectly as a result of ludicrous deadlines, I was losing confidence in my efficacy, and wanted to escape as often as I could. I became the bottleneck in the team because I couldn’t get anything done. Meetings, noise, stress, broken builds, slow builds, not enough points, no documentation, slow hardware, slow libraries, no true responsibility, no time to improve things, no help with improving things, resentment within the team, literal alienation through isolation of team members. Going faster was a far off dream. Going at all would have been a step in the right direction. My normal emotionally mature, generally muted self turned into a much more quick to irritate and react self. It was getting bad quick.
I had previously booked a short 1 week vacation at a point that wasn’t supposed to be too busy. Management seemed irritated that I took it because the project ran straight through it, now way past deadline. It was a wake up call. I went home, collected my thoughts, drove thousands of KM, and gained some perspective. When I got back I was going to actively pursue leaving more than previously, and figure out a way to get this project done. Fortunately, I got back and was promptly fired. I saw it coming. Managers had been planning this for a while. Not a confidence booster and I was already too late. I was burnt out.
So I packed up my crap, said goodbye to everyone, met up a few more times with them (while maintaining some friends and connections) and took some well needed time off. I needed to enjoy myself. I don’t know how this would have played out had it just been that. Tragically though, this coincided with the news of my grandmother falling critically ill back home. I flew back and spent the next two months helping my family through a very rough time. Enjoying myself though I did in the time I could, it was in large part a period of time spent watching a key family member pass away. I did not look for work during this time, and all of these things coming together likely contributed to every part of this becoming more difficult.
Upon arrival back home I found it an arduous task at a minimum gathering the spirit and curiosity I once had. I didn’t care about practicing my career and now had dependancies to finance. I couldn’t focus easily, I couldn’t find anything interesting and obtainable, a multitude of job interviews came and went, and money was disappearing quickly. I was stuck. But, I still had my hobbies. Skateboarding, friends, and adventure all kept me going. I was able to maintain perseverance if nothing else. Eventually, it slowly started coming back. Very slowly. I found a unique conference in Europe to attend surrounding web graphics and climate science which I thought would really help me get back into it. By introducing me to new tech, brilliant people, and coupling it with adventure, I made a small step forward. I started working with visualization more, reading more theory, exploring subjects outside my comfort zone, and kept going forward. Still slowly, but kind of getting there.
In late December I was offered some part-time work installing a CKAN Open Data portal for a University which was not only not something I had not done before, but it fit directly in-line with what I want to be working on again. Now in March I’ve come to the end of that, made a tiny bit of money, but am still essentially income-less, unsuccessful at finding consistent work, and still struggle with motivation. On the upside, I have an idea of what I want to be doing. I’ve met more people and done more interesting things than ever before. I’ve regained a good amount of confidence in my skill, a good amount of ambition, and am still in the best health/physical condition I’ve ever been in. The mental health is the harder part, it’s been 10 long months.
To anyone here going through something similar, don’t give up. Keep pushing. Introduce variety and try new things. Meet smart people and ask for advice. Have fun. The bounce-back is very slow, and ongoing for me personally, but I think you can get through it.