I actually sort of like Reddit's model on those two points. Essentially, that you should: 1) lurk initially, not submitting links until you understand the community and its culture; and 2) primarily submit links you think people will find interesting, not your own links that you're trying to promote (or at least, actively identify when it's your own link, e.g. "hey reddit, I made an X").
Not every site has to be like that, but it seems fine for some sites to be that way. The fact that Facebook fan pages exist is different from saying that everything on the web has to go in similar directions.
I guess, to me, there's a difference between what you're saying and vigilantes calling you out because they think you're a link spammer. To a degree, it discourages growth in the community because it scares people off.
And it does feel, to a degree, double-standardish. For example, the dude from The Oatmeal submits tons of his own links but seemingly nobody bats an eye.
Not every site has to be like that, but it seems fine for some sites to be that way. The fact that Facebook fan pages exist is different from saying that everything on the web has to go in similar directions.