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The Ultimate Guide To Getting Nowhere In Life (garyharan.com)
184 points by xutopia on April 18, 2010 | hide | past | favorite | 86 comments



How demeaning. Agree with some of it but notice how there is nothing here about anything else you might like to do with your life outside of having a job and owning a business. Like a wife and a family.

A 9-5 job is pretty much great in those circumstances if you just want to enjoy life - I work for a 10 person company and I've seen what the owner has gone through in the last 10 years it's been going - he has no life. Obviously it doesn't have to be like that for everyone, but if I have to choose between my family and slogging my guts out for something which may or not pay off and consume all my time - I know which one I'd pick.


You're right about the matter of wife and family, but not in way most people believe they are right about it. There is a wide chasm between finding joy in something, and feeling the compulsion to sacrifice for it.

That you find joy in your family is fantastic, if only because you've found something to enjoy. That your boss has been slogging away for ten years on his business is fantastic, as long as his enjoyment of is worth more to him than the things he's not done. So long as he or you don't regret it.

The important difference is between compulsion and choice; or even more dangerously, a choice that is made, and then justified retroactively as a compulsion.

It isn't worth itemizing all of the things people are compelled to, except that this list is a somewhat abbreviated version of them: get a good (read: easy) 9-5 job; spend money as catharsis; and let other people take the lesser worn path and, if they succeed, live their joy secondhand as much as you can. Also on the list: having a wife and children. They are defaults, and I'm not the first to say that defaults can be quite compelling, and can be just as easy to pass off as compulsions afterward.

Keep in mind, these being external compulsions does not mean that everyone does them for that reason. It just means you have to be more careful about how much of your desire is actual desire, and how much is just aimless drift.

Doing things just through compulsion rarely leads to enjoyment. It might have been when the compulsions weren't just compulsions, but a lot of what we feel compelled to do is fossilized wisdom from what other people would have thought would make them happy, and maybe it did for a few people. The rest are still waiting for the pay off, or have just given up and have become satisfied being content and comfortable.

I don't think most people have to settle. I think the problem is a higher level than the author gets at in his essay: even when people have options, they feel compelled not to pursue them. In the worse case, they feel compelled to destroy those options -- I've seen this happen, and it is tragic. I don't think it has to be this way.

I don't think you're doing wrong, btw. But your comment reminded me of all the times I've seen people sacrificing to compulsion at the expense of fulfillment; it seemed worthwhile to get those thoughts out there. :-)


"even when people have options, they feel compelled not to pursue them"

Thats a really good point and its scary when you see it all around you. And I think the reason it happens is because you dont see anyone else pursuing those options.

I have, recently, moved out to Queens and now live with roommates so as to save money. previously I had my own 1 bedroom in Manhattan. No one at work understands why I did this.

The one thing I've learned though is that if I get a negative reaction from my co-workers then I might be doing something right :) ...


Some might prefer having a shorter commute to work and their preferred nightlife to a cheaper rent.


Well if it would make you feel better, you have sucky coworkers :)

It should be obvious that most people don't derive pleasure from the place they live. Better use the money for something else.


I'm not sure about that. I think it's more that people tend to derive pleasure from one or two "must haves" about the place they live, but don't care much about the rest. If those "must haves" don't align with what you value, it looks irrational, but it's perfectly rational to them.

Personally, I can't stand living in a place that doesn't look out over greenery. I find I'm so much calmer and get more done when I can come home to a place with grass and trees and bushes, so I'm willing to pay a few hundred dollars a month extra for that.

I find it similarly irrational to think of all the people that can't live anywhere but the city. I mean, they pay more than I do, and they have to live with roommates, and their places are usually smaller, and they have to specifically go somewhere else for greenery, and they're looking at an hour commute. (I'm particularly perplexed by people who spend $5k/month to live in Manhattan, which is like SF * 10 in terms of all that overstimulation and has less charm to boot.) But over time, I've realized that these people aren't stupid, they just have different priorities from me. Some absolutely love having lots of small ethnic restaurants on their block. Some enjoy having most of their friends within walking distance (which admittedly would be pretty nice). Some like to go out clubbing every night, and there're lots more opportunities for that in the city. They aren't opportunities that particularly matter to me, which is why I wouldn't make those trade-offs. But they matter to the people in question.


I agree it's all about priorities. Once you live in the city and get used to the hustle-bustle and the fast paced life where most things are close-by and you can walk to most places or take public transit, it becomes part of your system.

I've lived in cities most of my life and when I had to live in the suburbs once, it was very hard to adjust to the quiet at first. Not seeing a lot of people walking around, going about their lives made me feel something was missing. The mobility and being able to use your feet as the primary means of transport was something I missed dearly.


(Disclaimer I'm the author of the post)

Having a family and moving forward in your career are not incompatible. I should have used "dead end job" instead of "9-5" job. I didn't mean that working more hours and spending time away from your family is something you should be doing. Sorry about making it sound that way.

The post was about not waisting your potential, stopping bad financial habits and living your passions.


I acknowledge your clarification and I agree with what YOU have said, but let me rant a little against the startup mentality that is prevalent here on HN. The general attitude seems to be that you're wasting your one chance at living unless you haven't accomplished something bigger than yourself and have left a legacy. It is a rousing sentiment, but yet, at the end of the day, I can't help but be sobered by the poem Ozymandius. Yes, you've left a legacy, but only for one, maybe two, generations before that too is forgotten:

  My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
  Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
Speaking of poems, poets would tell you that you've wasted your life unless you've loved; loved so deeply that you die a little when it is lost. So which is it? Legacy? Success? Love? Family?

In the end, I think you've nailed it with your last sentence: living your passions. If your passion is, literally, passion, then love. Make love your life. If your passion is external admiration, then succeed. (Please don't become a doctor or lawyer if your goal is admiration. Only do so if your passion is helping the sick or defending justice.) But to your point, at the end of your life, make sure you don't have a 100" flat-panel TV and a mountain of regrets.


I know many people who have/do the first 3 things on that list and probably find more joy in their lives than this guy gets out of looking at the temporary traffic spike hitting is blog because of a really demeaning post he wrote up in no more than 5 minutes.

Happiness and life fulfillment are very much found in the 9-to-5, pay-check-to-pay-check demographic of society. There are things in life one must attend to that likely force people to get 9-to-5's. You know, like a wife and kids. And then there are those who are content with what they have and don't carry that gene that gives one grandiose visions of changing the world. There's nothing wrong with having that trait, I think I've got it, but you should accept the fact that there are people that are happy with their day-to-day jobs. Not everyone is a 22yr. old college grad who can explore and take on the world with little to no financial responsibilities destined to change the world in some unprecedented and legendary way.


Happiness and life fulfillment are very much found in the 9-to-5, pay-check-to-pay-check demographic of society.

I wish this were true. The impression I get is more of numb, passive contentment, at least from enough people in this demographic that it is bothersome. They seem to have traded happiness and fulfillment for the image of happiness and fulfillment, and it is difficult to tell the difference until you ask the hard questions that make them feel uncomfortable and defensive. That's why most people don't, and that is why the groups are assume to intersect perfectly.

There are things in life one must attend to that likely force people to get 9-to-5's. You know, like a wife and kids.

How much of this is a must, and how much is a result of choices they made? And how much of this forcing is a result of emotional and social pressure, as a result if imminent, tangible risk? That is, how much is a result of wanting to convince others that one is a responsible parent, as opposed to one actually being irresponsible?


They seem to have traded happiness and fulfillment for the image of happiness and fulfillment, and it is difficult to tell the difference until you ask the hard questions that make them feel uncomfortable and defensive.

Or perhaps a person took such a job because his life goals simply do not relate to work. Being another cog in a cube farm may not be interesting itself, but it can be used as a source of funding for things that genuinely are. A 9-to-5 isn't my weapon of choice here (since some things I find interesting also happen to be readily marketable skills), but it is an effective one.


The satisfaction, or lack of, one gets from a 9-5 or any form of work is related more to the attitude one applies to the work than from the particulars of the work itself. At least that seems to be the conclusion drawn from the research done on "flow" states by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. It seems to correlate well with my own experience and seems to be a recurring theme in shows such as Dirty Jobs and Undercover Boss.


I wished I wrote that blog post in just 5 minutes. I actually spent a couple hours on the first draft but was told it wasn't punchy enough. The second draft took almost as much time the first.

The main mistake I made in this post is using the term 9-5 instead of dead end. I didn't mean that you should work 90 hours a week, far from it. As my short bio on my blog says "I'm a passionate father" and I think that moving forward in your career are totally compatible with that.


"Happiness and life fulfillment are very much found in the 9-to-5, pay-check-to-pay-check demographic of society."

I wish this were true because then I would not be trying to get away from a 9-to-5 job which pays very handsomely with no overtime.

The real reason that a 9-to-5 is not fulfilling is because ,as an employee, you are not measured by how much you create. The metrics are a bunch of bogus crap some HR dude listed down before he had to leave to pick up his kids at 5pm. So your forced to do things which are usually unfulfilling and a lot of times inconsequential to the business and your own development.

Add that to dreary meetings, performance reviews which leave you feeling violated and managers who check whether your in on time instead of what you've produced makes for a $hit of a day. Do it 223 times a year and you'll soon realize that 9-to-5 is not about happiness or fulfillment.

There are places like Google where this may not be true but this is par for the course for every job I've worked at.


Name names? There are an awful lot of prospective entrepreneurs on this site who are just looking for a bunch of big, dumb, complacent tech companies to uproot.


In light of the recent article about life at BCG [1], I don't think you should have a hard time identifying big, dumb, complacent tech (ok, maybe not strictly tech) companies that happen to pay their staff well. But I don't see them being taken down by startups anytime soon, considering the sort of need they are serving (however irrational it may be).

[1] http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1257644


Well said. A 9-5 job is a great way for time to disappear into a void that you'll never get back. If you're not paying attention, you'll lose years to something like this.

I know everyone isn't suited for entrepreneurial life, but as a talented developer you can always join a startup as employee 5+ and get a reasonable amount of security and pay, with a chance of a good-sized upside.

Even if you're happy in a 9-5, medium/big company job, do yourself a favour and keep that buffer around. There are so many things you can do with it to improve you life and buy yourself freedom - more than just buying stuff for cash.


"I know everyone isn't suited for entrepreneurial life..."

Is that because they started out that way, or because society tells them they should get 9-to-5 jobs and be happy about it?


I think it's because they started out that way! Of course, almost any skill or desire can be learned, but everyone is born into this world with their own unique set of aptitudes and weaknesses. The unique amalgamation found in each person lends its owner to certain roles and stations in life where excellence is easier to achieve.

Some people are perfectly OK working for someone else. They enjoy the labor of it, they enjoy the pay, they enjoy the company, they enjoy the security and relative comfort and anonymity. It doesn't really bother them that someone else is making 3x more off of the work performed than they are. That's OK. There's all kinds of people who are OK with this idea, too, but believe me that it's much better for some types to remain content with this than to branch out.

Some people are not content with that setup. They want to change things, they want to control how they spend their time (i.e. no hard 9-5 commitment), they want to keep the money their labors produce, they want to direct and lead and organize and control the intelligences and powers for their ends. This is OK and good too.

There's just different types of people in the world. We need employees, both employees on the way to independence and employees who don't mind becoming company men. It's good to have both.

The real thing that should be universal is a plan to develop financial independence such that one is never forced to work a job after it turns south, and such that people do not have to live in fear of their bosses. Of course, many bosses get mad at this idea because it weakens their ability to control their employees.


Some people are perfectly OK working for someone else. They enjoy the labor of it, they enjoy the pay, they enjoy the company, they enjoy the security and relative comfort and anonymity. It doesn't really bother them that someone else is making 3x more off of the work performed than they are.

These people seem almost mythical... I've never met anyone like that.

There's all kinds of people who are OK with this idea, too, but believe me that it's much better for some types to remain content with this than to branch out.

Why should I believe you that it's okay for people to be content with that? If I met anyone who was content with that, I would try to wake them up to the reality of what's going on.


>These people seem almost mythical... I've never met anyone like that.

Almost all of my associates from corporate jobs are like this. Most people have no problem at all with a standard employee relationship given good conditions and circumstances, and it is nicer in general if you can stand it. There's much less to worry about, there's consistent flow of guaranteed pay, there's a lot of people to interact with and meet, etc. The majority of people are perfectly OK with this, even with the knowledge that corporate is making a lot more money off of their efforts than they are.

It is okay to be content with that if everything else is good. One of my old managers just wanted to be that, but was forced into a leadership role by happenstance, and it was horrible for him and everyone under him. He cared much more about remaining non-confrontational and diplomatic than he did about being effective. This is bad; it led me to quit.

Of course, not all 9-5 employees are like him, and some are great leaders. But they're content with the money and the situation so they stay with it.

Some people have a hard time tolerating that, which people often become entrepreneurs. These people are good and important too.

If no one was content with employment, we'd be full of one-man shops and our efficiency would be majorly decreased. Employees are important. Founders can't really get rich independently (i.e. without an acquisition) without employees; there's just no way they could do enough work on their own.

Most employees understand what's going on and they're fine with it. You'd be surprised how many people stick with a "good-paying job" as their ideal. It's weird to me too, but most people are fine with it.


These people seem almost mythical... I've never met anyone like that.

There are tons of people like this! I'm sure these people are mythical/rare on HN, but in the big company 9-5 world they are definitely real. Maybe these people are the NNPs of the world who are happy with obscurity because it hides that fact that they aren't adding value, and are just riding on the coattails of a company that's big enough to support them.


Hacker News - and blogs in general - are another way to live vicariously from your couch.

(Thank goodness for noprocrast!)


Thank goodness for LeechBlock: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/4476

It's like noprocrast for everything. (Although I wish they hadn't mangled the UI in the last update.)


The nice thing about leechblock is that it lets you set up a set amount of time per hour on particular sites.

Unfortunately, this means I get cut off mid-sen


I take it that might be a joke, but it's not the case for me.

When the timer runs out it doesn't lock me out until I navigate away from the page, and it even allows a POST so I can submit the comment.


Even the life he describes is pretty damn good by historical standards.


Yeah, I think his idea of failure is a lot of people's idea of success: a reasonably comfortable 40 hour/wk job that pays well and doesn't involve risks of getting your arm chopped off in machinery, and a bunch of free time & money to spend on entertainment. Not what I'd choose to do, but neither are lots of things; I wouldn't choose to work at a tech company that expects you to carry a pager, work nights/weekends, and thinks it owns your life, either.

(I do agree that saving a bit of money is good for pretty much everyone; buffers come in handy.)


  Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and
  get paid just enough money not to quit.

  --George Carlin


Also called marginal utility.


A Carlin quote is just cheating. D:


So, if I'm reading it correctly, it seems like his guide says: if you're rich and educated, you'll have more opportunities and be less stressed.

That's pretty insightful. You'd think someone would have realized that by now.


The author's point is precisely that this sort of freedom is available to more than just a wealthy elite. After all, it's not the "rich and educated" living paycheque-to-paycheque and wasting away in dead-end jobs.


Do not EVER underestimate the power of beer and MTV again.


What makes these inverse guides so appealing, anyway...


I don't know. It's really just a cheap trick that makes half-assed advice sound much cleverer than it really is. But it works!


We need to go one step further and make inverse inverse guides: "How to not fail at not failing" etc.


Funny you say that. pg used an inverse-inverse title for his 2007 Startup School talk. It was titled :"Why to Not Not start a startup"

http://www.paulgraham.com/notnot.html


I really dislike these inverse guides -- they fight a strawman by negating an obviously false statement.

You see this in programming essays, where people show examples of absurd commenting (i++; // increment i). Yes, yes, we're reasonably intelligent readers know that's bad -- show us an example of nuanced commenting, or nuanced thinking!


Sometimes there is more than one "correct" method. In a lot of those cases, the "wrong" way is pretty specific, or at least tightly constrained. At such times, it is easier to explain that instead of explaining a large group of extremely different options.

Other times, it is just a simple case of "I don't know what works, but I know what doesn't work". This allows the next person to not make that mistake.


I think his offhand implication that reading books is superior to TV is wrong.

Most fiction has exactly the same purpose and function on TV, which is to entertain. Yes, reading some books makes you "cultured" but so does TV; just to a different culture. I consider watching all the latest sci fi to be just as "culturing" as reading all the latest sci fi.


Reading makes you better at reading (duh) and writing. Two essential skills that are used daily.

What skills does your TV gives to you?


Passively sitting down with the latest Dan Brown novel won't make you any better at reading or writing. Sitting down with a novel that's just beyond your comfort zone (say, Dostoevsky if you're used to Dan Brown) will make you better at reading, and sitting down with any novel and actively paying attention to how the writer shapes the story with words will make you better at writing. But that's an apples-to-sushi comparison: it takes a lot more mental effort to actively engage with a book than it does to passively sit in front of a TV. A more appropriate comparison would be actively reading vs. playing Starcraft, which gives you a bunch of essential skills, eg. multitasking, resource management, positioning & prioritization, etc.

Basically, you get out of any activity what you put into it. If you put zero effort into reading, you're going to get zero skill out of it.


Even if a novel is not very literary, I think it still stretches the readers mind because rarely do you engage with such a complex structure/abstraction.


> Passively sitting down with the latest Dan Brown novel won't make you any better at reading or writing. Well, I disagree. I think that any practice improves you, even if by a marginal amount. But I could be wrong, so let me rephrase that sentence as "reading serves as a practice for your reading and writing skills". I think it does not affect my point in the "reading is inherently better than TV" discussion.

> Basically, you get out of any activity what you put into it. I'm going to write this one down. Thanks.


The reading I did as a child was well beyond what other children my age were reading, but it never required "effort," because it was pleasurable.

It's a mistake to think that activities which require no effort are useless.


The most pleasurable things, in my experience, require great effort. You just don't notice because they're pleasurable.


We can thank Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi for this idea. Flow is what you get when you intersect a properly challenging task with a properly adept skill-set, and it is immensely pleasurable.


That would be a good point if I were 8 years old.

However, my vocabulary is unlikely to increase anymore.


The brain gets lazy if you don't exercise it. Sure, you might be getting it from somewhere else, but reading is still a good source to as least practice your vocabulary.


I'm sure there are many words you have yet to discover, and they are still worth learning and using.


Ability to connect with strangers through mutual ties to 'pop culture'


Although it answers my question, you could say that any practice (maybe with the exception of breathing) gives you "mutual ties".


Reading is entertainment that requires thought and imagination. While you're reading, it's easy and common to stop and reflect over what has just been said. Not so with video.

When you watch a sci fi movie, you see the world the filmmaker has built. When you read a sci fi book, you build the world the author describes in your head. Value judgments aside, they're very different experiences.


And if the sci-fi is good, then regardless of medium, I stop and reflect on the world or situation being described and the questions it raises.


I find reading a book engages and involves my mind much more. I'm not going to argue superiority, but there's a reason watching TV is known in slang as 'vegging out'.


Making TV costs lots of money so they only make shows to attract large audiences. Because writing books is relatively cheap you get books for all kinds of audiences, importantly you get books aimed at smart people. My comments siblings provide examples of this.


Theodore Roosevelt read two books a day and could recite quotations from them years later.

The average TV in the US is on 6 hours per day.

Would you rather be the average American or Theodore Roosevelt?


The average American. Theodore Roosevelt is dead after all. :-)


Except that we remember his name, whereas the average American remains nameless.


Lets ask him how much better that makes him feel.


You don't think you would be a little happier knowing that when you die your name will still be written in history books for decades or centuries to come?


No, I don't think so. That doesn't seem to fall into any of the categories of things that have made me happy. I've accomplished a few things that I think "should" make me happy, but for whatever reason I don't feel any lasting difference as a result. Most things that have made me happier either gave me pleasure directly, or were the negation of something that was causing me stress.


Two books a day? How's that possible?

Say each book is 300 pages and he reads 30 pages an hour (generous). It would typically take 20 hours to finish two books. That leaves 4 hours to sleep, eat, wash, and do his job.

Oh but he read really fast? That's just about as useful as watching a movie in fast-forward.


Reading is something you get significantly faster at by doing it a lot. You recognise words you are familiar with much faster etc.

Expect anyone who reads a lot to go at at least a page per minute with full comprehension. Speed Readers often read with reasonable comprehension at 3 times that rate.

Things that pop out as being quotable are generally pretty apparent if you read a lot simply because they'll be new and somehow interesting.


It just strikes me as a terrible way to read. To continue the analogy, I could watch a movie in fast forward and still work out what was going on and what the notable scenes were ("gosh, they're chasing him through the sewers of Vienna!"). But I wouldn't have experienced the art of the film whatsoever. Reading faster is more difficult, but similarly unhelpful. I realized a long time ago that there was literally no point trying to speed up my reading pace, and nothing to be gained from speed reading. You need to give your imagination time to explore the detail and connotations of the descriptions, not merely the meaning of the words. Otherwise you're just as well reading the cliff-notes.


He was also one of the original war mongers.

Considering that, I would prefer the average American.


I read a lot of books (and sometimes even write them), but I don't see a lot of value in reading over watching TV. I treat both as something to do when I don't feel like doing anything that requires thinking. If you like TV, watch TV. If you like reading, read. Or do both.


If you are talking about escapist fiction, I would agree with you, but some books definitely require thinking. That said, I think some TV does as well.


I think this is more a guide to becoming a normal American than anything else. There's not necessarily anything wrong with that either. Can you imagine what life would be like if everyone were a great hacker bent on changing the world to suit them?


Much more interesting and dangerous that's for sure. Although in my limited experience great hackers aren't necessarily in it to change the world but to discover how it works, sometimes by creating things that were supposed to be impossible.


Some of my most cherished friends view work purely as a way to support their family and lifestyle. They don't worry about getting nowhere; in a sense, they're exactly where they want to be already.

Attention-grabbing title aside, this is a great article for people who would like to do something interesting but feel that they "can't" for various reasons or who aren't sure how to start. I can think of several people in high school or college who would appreciate this article.

(I really like the color scheme and font choices, btw!)


wow - this is basically a not-so-thinly-veiled Horatio Alger rehash with a condescending sense of humor. Life is so simple when you mistake other people's problems as errors in judgment. Thanks, Superman - you've saved the day once again. but what do you expect from a guy who, according to his bio, "[brings] wines to the market in bold new ways." No thanks. A lá Gang of Four, I'll get drunk on cheap wine instead.

Plus, it's a flawed analysis because on the one hand he's critiquing a particular aspect of capitalism (the consumerist side - what did he think was going to happen with all those advertisements and credit cards), while still maintaining that as a whole it works (he proudly states he's an "entrepreneur," who can balance work and family (subtext: so why shouldn't you?)). What's more, his arrogance turns into hypocrisy, because as an entrepreneur, whether he wants to admit it or not, he profits off of the backs of other people, the same kind of people that make poor decisions regarding long-term financial matters. As a matter of style, his flippancy which lacks the slightest modicum of decorum is insulting, while his failure to call into question the root, systemic causes to the problems he outlines is inexcusable.


"(CNN) -- Lars and Jens Rasmussen were broke and jobless -- with only $16 between them -- when they made it big in the Web world by selling their idea for Google Maps."

SOURCE: http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/10/27/rasmussen.brothers.google...

I'm pretty sure these guys got somewhere even without a cushion of money under their bums.


I'm not sure just how poor and underprivileged they were; it sounds like not getting a job and doing a startup instead was a choice, and that initially at least there was a cushion of money. Lars Rasmussen got a PhD from Berkeley in 1998, and then by 2003 somehow ended up in Australia, where he founded a tech startup and sold to Google within the year. Most actual poor people can't buy a plane ticket to Australia!


Ha. By these standards I am way ahead of the game. How many GamerPoints for this "nothing" achievement?


Step 5: Write blog posts telling people how to live their lives.

(extra points for preaching to the choir)


I don't need a guide for that, I do just fine on my own.


What's even more interesting than the article is one's reaction to it. So telling which aspects one immediately focuses on. It's always about oneself.


Reader base meet article.


Ok, so what if you're already in the rut this article describes. This accomplishes little for the people that are already stuck in this life and dissatisfied in it, but feel trapped.

Well, no, that's not fair. It makes them feel worse. Nice try, but fail.


5) Play Farmville.

6) Browse 4chan.


I think those are two different demographics.

Those who play farmville are the ones this posts is speaking about. While the 4chan crowd as a whole are a young computer literate and savvy crowd. Though correct me if that demographic assumption is incorrect.


4chan is basically HN, except that on 4chan, everyone has a more reasonable perspective about their worth and ability. Oh, and you can post pictures.


I see what you did there.

Sweet, sweet irony.




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