Speaking of kids and playing, here's something I'd love to see: my kids are stuck on this 'Animal Jam' computer game, and while I try and be a good parent and set limits and stuff, I've also thought a technical solution might be fun: "The Great Firewall of Games". It would act like the Chinese thing: rather than simply deny access, it progressively degrades the experience so that the user puts the blame on the game itself, rather than whoever is denying the access.
That seems technically over-complicated and personally dishonest...
Why not simply set a hard time limit, and optionally enforce it with existing parental control software?
Surely you don't need to deface a product to manipulate children when you could simply say "no, you've had enough, go (play outside/read a book/help your sister set the table)" and deny access to the game?
I'd feel terrible if someone grew up thinking the games (or movies, or books) I'd made were low quality/broken just because someone was intentionally degrading the experience for them.
Sorry. I have to disagree. Vehemently. I'm a parent of three. I don't always tell my children everything, because they are not always capable of handling everything, but I am always honest with them. We're not perfect, but we try very hard never to manipulate our children.
Hard limits get tiresome, sure. Explaining yourself in terms they can understand gets very tiresome. Little secret: parenting gets tiring. There is no silver bullet. Sorry to burst your bubble.
I'm sure you "manipulate" your children - in the sense of getting them to do what you want - in a variety of ways, directly or indirectly. It's part of being a parent. You do it because you love them and want to guide them in the right way.
I hope you're less judgmental with them than with other random people on the internet.
My response was crafted to match the tone of yours. So...
As far as manipulation, no. We do exert our will and sometimes force them to do what we want, for the reasons that you name. In that you are right, it is part of being a parent. However, the key is that we do our very best to be transparent with them and accountable to them about what we are doing. That is the difference and what makes it not manipulation.
That dishonesty is what I took issue with in your original comment and the reason I replied the way I did. Like I said, I disagree vehemently about being dishonest or manipulative with my children because it is too easy for that to leave lasting issues or teach lessons counter-productive to their best interest.
Using manipulation as a parenting tool is a great way to raise rebellious teenagers. My children do not always agree with my parenting choices and rules, but they understand why they are there. They understand explicitly that our actions are for their best interest, and I allow them to hold us accountable to that!
I am accountable to them for how I use my authority. I respect them as people and respect their free will. This makes me feel extremely careful about how I subjugate their free will. We are surely not perfect in this, but we explicitly give them permission to call out inconsistencies in our parenting, to question our judgement. I apologize to my children when I fall short of my own stated goals.
Openness, honesty, transparency, accountability. I am modeling to them the way I believe authority should be wielded in general. Look at our society today. I believe one of the biggest problems threatening our democracy is authority wielded without transparent responsibility, accountability, and honesty towards those being governed.
Dishonesty with my children is reprehensible. I stand by my earlier statements.
