In my mid-twenties I had this peak of "I'm going to make the next Facebook for cats and it's going to be amazing". After repeatedly trying to have an enjoyable life and make the aforementioned Catbook* I realised that I'm actually pretty OK with not being super duper rich and famous. I quite like being out to chill out and watch some dumb youtube crap. Or actually spend time with my partner. Or put my health (running, sleeping a good amount, not using a computer too much etc) above some violent need to succeed.
In my early thirties I've now taken two pay cuts to move to jobs that I thought would be more enjoyable, as opposed to more important / prestigious / success signifying.
I still tinker around and would like to produce something all on my own, but I don't really care if I don't. What I'm doing now for someone else is important enough.
*Not actually it, obviously I'm not a complete failure
That is harder to achieve that state of mind in the larger more expensive cities. Everything around you always remind you how poor you are. I'm not talking about the luxury thing, but stuff like renting/buying a flat were you have enough space for your hobby while not commuting for crazy hours. Paying for nursery, ... And of course, your monkey brain require constant reminder that you don't actually care about whatever new stuff everything else seems to care about.
Then I have had the opportunity to work for a few months in the middle of nowhere. (i.e. rural Spain) Having a relaxed perspective was way easier without the constant reminder of your financial inadequacy.
Unfortunately, we work in an industry (software development) where the choice is basically between:
* Working from home and being entirely socially isolated from your co-workers
* Live within commuting distance of a major city
If I had been a plumber, I'd be able to work in any town in the US, no matter how small. If I had been an auto mechanic, dentist, accountant, retail manager-- ditto.
But not a software developer. Sigh.
One of the things that makes me most happy is not living in a city, but it's incompatible with the only skill I'm really competent at.
One of the reasons I chose to settle down in Raleigh, NC. Not a large city, but a great tech scene that still pays well, and very reasonable cost of living.
Not as much to do as San Francisco or NYC - but I certainly think it's worth it.
I work in Wichita, KS and could easily get a house in the country with <30 minute commute. Software developer jobs are everywhere. You just have to be willing to trade some job mobility.. I probably wouldn't be able to immediately find another job here working with C++ at the same level of hardware.
For me the issue with bigger cities isn't the financial but the human aspect. I see people all around me with their friends and relationships having a good social time, and it makes me crave interaction and friendship, things that are challenging to just pull out of nowhere, especially in NYC where you're liable to get ignored if you say hello to a stranger on the street. Many people make friends at work, but I find software development an isolating profession, even though the pay is more than sufficient.
In my limited experience, it seems to me that in the countryside, being alone is solitude, but in a city, being alone is lonely...
I've been there. The way out I found was intentionally seeking out connections to existing social networks:
1) identify a place where you can get repeated, informal contact with people. Classes, meetups, volunteer groups are good to start.
2) cycle through those until you find one you like, then persist. Be friendly, make the first move, etc.
3) evaluate the acquaintances from step 2 based on THEIR friends as much as the individuals. Put time and effort into the people that connect you to other good people.
As we type I'm sitting in a cafe in central London. I agree. Was looking for good repairable shoes on the weekend. El. Oh. El. Back to shoes that break every 6 months for me!
It helps that I have a partner who also makes money. If she didn't I wouldn't be here at all.
Repairable shoes are a lot more difficult to find, depending on where you regularly need the repairs and how 'hard' you are on your shoes. I'd suggest 1) Ask about brands or what to look for in a shoe repair shop. This will narrow brands down 2) Buy a brand that lasts longer than others on your actual feet. So long as I have the funds, I tend to buy Dr Martins - even though folks say they have changed over the years, I can get a few years of wear out of them even with regular to daily use. Before this, my feet would eat a pair every 6 months as well.
Why not just get some low mid tier shoes like Clarks? I spent 3 years of high school with one pair of Clarks boots—they died shortly after graduation. Never had them repaired. The second pair lasted about 2 years since I moved to a city where you walked way more. Definitely worth it.
That and moving to cities with concentrations of brainpower; I live near a couple world-class universities and feel real dumb most of the times I meet new people.
I personally don't have ambitions to be famous or even super rich. The only thing I want is "creative freedom". In my career I've had it 3 times (and it was the most enjoyable times i can think of in my career), all three times the project was shut down or some change happened for one reason or another, and I was moved to something where I had basically little or no control of the code I wrote. At first, I questioned my abilities as an engineer, but two of the projects were decently successful by most measures. My drive comes from trying to get that freedom back, and to be in a position where it can't be taken. It's not easy to obtain.
In my early thirties I've now taken two pay cuts to move to jobs that I thought would be more enjoyable, as opposed to more important / prestigious / success signifying.
I still tinker around and would like to produce something all on my own, but I don't really care if I don't. What I'm doing now for someone else is important enough.
*Not actually it, obviously I'm not a complete failure