An option isn't equity. It is, by tautology, an option to purchase equity.
By and large, options are just a symbolic gesture. I'm sure there are some people who've reaped a bounty from them... but it's exceeding rare, and even if everything goes right they still require a liquidity event that isn't guaranteed to include you.
The first couple of times I got stock options, I exercised them... and ended up using them as a tax write-off later when they became worthless. Now, I sit on them like an old comic book that might become valuable someday... and wouldn't think twice about letting them disappear if I change jobs.
An option isn't equity, but I would wager that a lot of people who subscribe to the "if I have equity I'm family" model are naive enough to not know that.
I definitely agree with your attitude on them, I really wish startup culture didn't frown upon electing to receive higher salary and no equity.
