plus an extra week to accomplish stuff you want to do, wouldn't you take it?
For many people -- possibly most people -- what they want to accomplish mostly involves stuff like "going to Barbados", not "putting in another week at $job". If (like me), you have a job you like, or if you have a job that basically consists of accomplishing things that further your own private goals, that might not be the case, but such a situation is rare. Less rare for people on this site, I guess.
Inversion works so long as you understand what the true cost of the purchase is. And yet, if someone gave me a week off and $1000, I'd immediately be looking for plane tickets, because I love travel and I'm limited more by time than by money.
I have friends who have always been very conscious of the monetary cost of items, but seemed to think space is free (that is, "hoarders"). They very recently began a transition away from that, triggered partly by the local health department and partly by a worsening medical condition leading to full-time wheelchair use. It's fascinating to see people who spent decades accumulating stuff suddenly getting rid of it and turning down new free stuff, all because their valuation of "space" changed.
One of the reasons simplicity is hard is that owning stuff has psychological connotations for everyone involved. A digitial copy of your photograph or document "in the cloud" seems less permanent and less under your control than one on your hard drive, which itself seems less so than a physical copy -- and this perception is at least partly mistaken. Those seeking control and "certainty" may still accumulate paper copies far beyond what is reasonable, all because they have a psychological desire to do so.
IMO, it all boils down to how we value space, time, money, effort/frustration, certainty/risk, efficiency, and a whole host of other factors -- and how accurately we understand those factors. Remembering to account for "a few feet of counterspace" or "a week getting stuff done" are key to simple living.
Left to my own devices, I would never leave the house. So I ask for experiences. From my wife, I ask for her to find a local event that I wouldn't think of going to by myself, and to arrange tickets/reservations/etc. From my parents (who live nearby), I ask for them to watch our kids while my wife and I go to said event. It works well.
I ask for nothing and I get experiences. She loves to plan, book, etc., while I usually find those events worthwhile only after the fact. Win-win, in the end.
They are probably wishing that you would lighten up.
Edit: I know this seems trollish, but it's probably also true. Although I could have worded it better, my point is that your expectation that people _not_ give physical gifts is no different or more noble than other peoples' expectation that you accept physical gifts. Recognizing that, there's the tried and truism that it's easier to change things about yourself than things about others.
If he doesn't want more stuff, he's not being noble to say so, he's just telling people what not to get him. If someone gave you a pillow every year, why should it be rude to say, "please don't get me a pillow this year. I have enough pillows!"? I know some people are too timid to say things like this, but it is possible to say without offending.
If >90% of his society embraced the tradition of giving new pillows every year, then he would indeed be a little out of line in expecting others to accede uniformly to his pillow-less demands. It's not rude to ask, but it is pointless to get upset when some people decline to do what you want.
Edit: actually, by convention it is a little rude to ask most people to give you particular types of things for your birthday, unless they are very close to you socially (spouse or significant other, basically).
It really depends on your financial situation, if your successful then yes, if your a student just getting by it's more like well if you must get me something I have really been wanting.....
The only part that struck a nerve with me is when he refused to plug the TV back in.
He had already made his point that they don't use the TV very often, but the fact that she wanted to use it at that moment definitely weakened his argument. Refusing to plug the TV back in at that point just resulted in pissing his wife off and probably hurt his chances of getting rid of the TV.
She is free to plug it in herself; his refusal to do so is purely symbolic. At least, I had not considered any other possibility and am confident that most American readers would read it the same way. Perhaps I'm the one making a bad assumption, though. MarkPilgrim, do you wish to clarify?
Look at it this way: the author asks his wife if they can get rid of the TV. She says no. He then unplugs it and refuses to plug it back in for her when she wants to use it. The author elaborates on how difficult it is to plug/unplug the TV because it's behind a dresser drawer. Symbolism or not, he's being a bit of a jerk here. He made his point, but now his wife wants to use the TV and he refuses to help, despite the fact that he's the reason why she can't use the TV in the first place.
I'd agree if she needed help for the task, but "difficult" doesn't mean impossible. Her response ("I hate you") is because he's made his point effectively: when forced to compare the value of watching TV against the effort of spending ten minutes moving the dresser, she was forced to admit how little benefit they get from the TV.
Also, I know humor shouldn't be analyzed, but I thought part of the humor in their dialog was that he took a principled stand about a pretty trivial act.
What you allude to in your first statement is incorrect for most cases, IMO. Staying together doesn't necessarily mean letting it decrease your happiness. It might just mean you have to get your happiness from a different place.
Often in life you're not presented with win-lose situations. Instead, you're presented with lose-lose situations, and it's your job to choose the least worst solution for everyone involved.
I used to feel this way, but as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that there are a large number of things in life that are completely outside of my control. Accepting that doesn't mean "settling", it means that I've realized that I can't control those situations, but I can control my reaction and how it affects me. Marriage may or may not fall into that category for some people, but generally the behavior of others, health issues, macroeconomic events, etc. are things we can't control and must learn to live with.
Also, the idea that we have to be happy all the time is a particularly American conceit. It can be very rewarding to a point, but there's a thin line between that and narcissism that can make it impossible to form deep relationships. In an ideal marriage, for instance, each supports the others' ambitions, but there obviously has to be some give and take.
I completely agree, but getting divorced is something in your control. The weather is something you can control. Your health is something you can control, to an extent.
I don't know why this was downvoted. I don't agree with the post completely but I don't find it snarky or anything.
To the post itself: It's a bit more complex than that. If the kids mean a lot to you then splitting up means seeing them less, making the "trade" times stressful for everyone, etc. It's a trade off like many things in life.
But I do agree that there are times that staying can be more damaging than leaving.
One way I try to fight this is I bought a big cardboard box and put almost everything in it, which has doubtful usage. Stuff lingering on desks, old gadgets, etc. If I need something I take it out. Whatever is left in the box after a month I throw/give away. A few Arduino boards, accelerometers and RFID readers will soon be available to a good home.
Me too! If you (i.e. andr) want to send some along to a broke student (i.e. me) who’s been saying he’d get around to buying an arduino board or two & building something neat with a musician friend for months now, shoot me an email. :-)
Upvoted for pure awesomeness. Coming from a struggling background my mom was a hoarder and I struggle with getting rid of stuff all the time which bugs the hell out of my wife who is a neat freak and likes to have her homespace look like a magazine/catalog home shoot.
This post is a lot of fun, but with a very good point. I particularly like the end of the story where she says You're getting restaurant gift cards and socks
by pure happenstance, a co-worker linked me today to mark's how to install windows in 5 hours (http://diveintomark.org/archives/2003/08/04/xp). i hadn't read his blog before, and he's got an entertaining style
That post still gets 1500+ hits a month from people searching for variations of "fruit salad recipe." I get at least 1 email a month from random strangers who appreciated getting more than just a recipe. :)
Move to a boat, that will solve the problem instantly. I have roughly 16 square meters of indoor living area, and that has to accommodate kitchen, sleeping quarters, bathroom, steering, a sofa and a table where 8 people can eat for when I have dining visitors. For very natural reasons you just don't have a lot of stuff.
I had this problem too. We had a whole closet filled floor to ceiling with boxes of stuff that hadn't been unpacked in over 5 years.
One Saturday afternoon, I pulled a box at a time out of the storage closet and the wife and I unpacked it onto the livingroom floor.
Each item either:
1) Got placed in the "we will use it within 3 months"
2) Can sell for at least $20
3) Freecycle / Goodwill / Salvation Army
4) Trash
I made 10 trips to our dumpster and 2 to Goodwill. (Am now working on selling the $20/each items)
What am amazing relief. I had no idea how much that huge pile of boxes was weighing down the back of my mind.
So far, we've encountered 2 things we regretted ditching. Honestly though, the only reason we regret it is that we know we had those things. If we hadn't unpacked those boxes I would almost certainly have bought them simply because I didn't even remember they were in a box "just in case I need it someday"
I moved from the UK to the US in 2003, with just a couple of bags of stuff. I threw away a bunch of my possessions when I moved, and the stuff I couldn't bear to throw away, I left in storage in the UK.
On one of my trips back, I found a few big boxes full of my stuff and really couldn't remember what was in them. I'd been out of the country for a couple of years by that point, and clearly hadn't actually missed whatever was in these boxes. I threw them away without even opening them - still have no idea what they contained ;)
That sort of sums up my rule. If I haven't used it in the past five years, I toss it out. It's only rarely that I come across something that I threw away earlier. Only exception to this rule is books and I doubt that'll change.
You might be surprised. I used to think I would never get rid of any books. At some point after N moves and a decade of my decor being dominated by bookshelves I decided I no longer needed to own every book I had ever read in my life. I sold most of my text books on Amazon, except for my intro college science texts which I gave, along with most of my pop-sci books, to someone who worked with gifted high school students so he could pass them along. Most of the rest of the books went to a local used bookstore, or to the library. I kept my favorite books by my favorite authors; only the stuff I was sure I would reread. And, it turns out, I don't miss any of the books I got rid of.
Very enjoyable. I've had similar conversations with my better half. I need to simplify my life as well, I just moved and have boxes of cables to electronics I no longer own. Why can't I bring myself to get rid of that first gen tivo hard-to-find console cable? I don't know.
I put all the old books and DVDs I don't want on half.com at a very low price. It's a bit annoying having to mail them all, but it makes me glad to know that they're going to someone who wants them.
I've always found moving to be the best time to get rid of things. If it hasn't been used since the last time I moved or I don't feel like packing it, it's gone.
This article is really an anti-hording thing. I immediately realized how many items I have in my house that go unused FOREVER. My wife has been begging me to throw some things out.
I am considering just looking through anything, if its a wire that has a 60% chance of being usused forever, scrapped, a cd, scrapped, a tv, scrapped. I want to do the same with my kid's toys (she has lots but plays with a key few (3year old), I mean really the biggest things we use are our computers.
Although I found a use for old textbooks: Computer monitor stands.
Second the textbook suggestion. Last year I actually used my physics book for a monitor stand before the quarter was even over. Shhh, don't tell my folks.
About 6 weeks ago, I had to pack up all the stuff in my Manhattan apartment and stick it into storage to tend to a family emergency. In 6 weeks I dont think I've missed anything except for a few books.
That was so cool. Simplicity is more difficult than clutter. My wife and I moved from a large, "partially cluttered" house on the beach to a small and very tidy house in the mountains. It was not easy going from 2600 sq ft to 1150 sq ft, and after moving 12 years ago we had to make a rule of getting rid of something when we bought anything new.
It takes real energy to go through belongings and decide what to give to the Good Will or to toss.
Is it just me, or does this title reek of disdain for his wife and/or all women?
To spell it out: the "let's go shopping" meme indicates stupidity on the part of women. Here he's using it seriously to complain about his wife having "difficulty" with simplicity. This in turn implies that women in general have this difficulty, and this is a negative trait of the sex at large.
Maybe I'm being a little sensitive here, but I kind of want to smack this guy.
I actually had to move to VA about 4 months ago to take a job. I decided to go through EVERYTHING in my life and see what I needed and didn't, so I took a 3 bedroom two bath house worth of JUNK and shrunk it down to an 6X8 Uhaul Trailer. I now have 3 computers, 2 chairs, a bed, a rowing machine to stay in shape, some books and thats all I would take with me again if I did the same thing.. Ive never been so happy with all the junk I don't have...
I highly recommend living a minimalistic life style.
Since we're doing the ad hominem thing, I'm guessing that you're American, and your wife makes you sleep on the couch?
In all seriousness, my point is that the person with the more radical view on how things ought to be done has to lead in that instance, and lead with authority. This doesn't imply the entire marriage is about that. But in this instance, yes. His wife would have been more receptive to his point of view if he delivered it with more authority. Passive aggressive "experiments" to prove a point will not influence her point of view and will not carry him closer to the goal of making their lives simpler.
I've been leading. I've gotten rid of basically everything I can get rid of without asking for permission, and that has inspired my wife to clean up some of her stuff too. It took my about two years, but now I've gotten to the hard stuff, and -- surprise! -- it's harder than throwing away a box of old papers.
(Oh, and no offense, but telling my wife "we're getting rid of this television come hell or high water" would have been... less than successful in the long run. Every relationship is different. Good luck with yours.)
Perhaps the issue here is leading by example vs by authority.
Leading by authority alone doesn't scale. Even in places like the military where leaders have almost unlimited power, relying solely on authority is seen as poor leadership. Either you're ultra-charismatic or you just have to make sense to people.
I sincerely apologize if you took this as ad hominem. I honestly didn't mean it that way.
FWIW, I've been living in the US for the past 3 years but I'm not American and neither is my wife - and our couch is far too small to sleep on (we do have an airbed though :))
I don't think experimentation is passive-aggressiveness. It was a valid way to determine how often they actually use the TV to see if it was necessary.
Radical views should be backed by solid evidence of their correctness.
It would have been an experiment if he had plugged it back in on request. That is to say the experiment determined they use the TV every six months or so. What actually happened is he made a unilateral decision to get rid of the TV. He couldn't do it by coming to agreement with his wife, so he removed all the cables and refused to restore them to force a change in his family's behavior.
Leading "with authority" is an oxymoron. There's the authority inherent in your position (which applies in a business or a bureaucracy, not a marriage) and there's authority (respect, actually) that you earn through leadership. If you mean just "puttin' a little bass in your voice"(+) then good luck and don't forget to wear a cup!
(+) Chris Rock recommends this as a way to get a woman to lick your balls, if you're interested in taking relationship advice from Chris Rock's stand-up act.
This is perhaps my first meta-comment, but I can't believe such a unbelievably banal post got 238 upmods here. "I tried to unplug my TV, my wife fought against it." That's it. Pathetic.
"We should go to Barbados for a week. It's only $1000."
"If someone offered to give you $1000, plus an extra week to accomplish stuff you want to do, wouldn't you take it?"
This works with appliances, too: not buying that juicer means getting a few square feet of counterspace and $100.