Attraction sometimes is not a matter of choice, but actions are. You can decide to continue communication with someone or not. You're not a slave of your attraction.
Actions are a matter of choice, and I agree it's best not to be a jerk. I don't like jerks.
However, I think you're missing the point: you can play nice (answer texts immediately) but you cannot avoid the irrational reaction of finding someone who immediately answers back less attractive (or whatever; if this isn't something you experience, substitute with whatever other irrational dating behaviors you do experience -- maybe you like cute smiles, maybe you dislike loud laughter that sounds like snorting).
Attraction is not rational. You cannot force yourself (or others) to be rational about it. You can choose to play nice, but you cannot choose to feel attracted to someone. Attraction and romance are games with bizarre rules, whether we like it or not.
Nope. Attraction is a nice thing to feel, but it's generally more satisfying if you act on it with conscious choice and not feel "forced" to do something just because you feel a certain way.
Maybe building a stable, committed relationship -- something that not all people want, by the way, and that's ok -- is an exercise in restraint and rationality, but immediate attraction and hookups? It works irrationally almost by definition.
My point is not about how attraction works, it's about what people do about it. You can feel attraction and decide to act on it almost instantly, but that's still your choice and you are responsible for what you do. But if you feel that attraction is "making you do something" against your will, when you realize negative consequences of your actions – that's definition of addiction.
What I'm arguing is that attraction bypasses the mechanisms of will and rational decision. We are not logical robots. Most of us do not "decide" to like another person.
Falling in love or feeling sexually attracted to someone are irrational things by definition. You do not decide to do it. You cannot force yourself to feel attracted to someone because they "play fair", either. Because of (reasonable) society norms, you cannot simply engage with everyone you're sexually attracted to -- it's not ok to harass fellow coworkers, or someone else's partner, etc. But the core of it is irrational. You cannot impose rational rules like "I'll pay more attention to people who text me back immediately or who are more considerate of other people, or who I agree with on serious issues, even though what I'd really like is to call X and do the naughty all night long".
Agreed, but seeing things through the frame of addiction can be a trap. Issue is really ego-syntonic versus ego-dystonic. Own your feelings and what you decide to do. Guess I'm agreeing.
