Why do parents track their children? Kids are tougher than parents credit them for. It's unfortunate that new technology will let parents hover forever.
That's me. I "stalk" my children. Here's the long story of why.
I live in a relatively safe area, the suburbs of Portland Oregon. There's a fair amount of petty property crime, which tends to be tolerated if not quite condoned.
Fortunately the region has generally investigated violent crimes quite aggressively, and the violent crime rate is relatively low compared to many parts of the country.
But that doesn't mean there aren't bad guys, violent sociopaths who live in the area. People like that live everywhere. E.g. here's something horrible that happened just a few miles away to two girls, one age 12 the other age 13: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ward_Weaver_III#Murders_of_Ash...
My girls were just about that age when they got iPhones. So, I try to keep an eye on them. There's a slight chance they'll run into some serious danger and I might be able to help.
But, more realistically, it helps kids stay out of trouble, because they know there's an increased probability that they will get caught. It's not perfect. E.g. my older daughter was only supposed to drive my car from home to high school and back. But she chose to drive off campus at lunch. And, since she was a very inexperienced driver, she got into a car accident. So, even when she knew that dad might be stalking her, she chose to be a free spirit. That's just how some kids are.
Certainly some kids will be resourceful enough to hack their phones. More power to them! But there are simpler ways. My older one simply turns off location services and then blames it on "Low Power Mode".
But, more realistically, it helps kids stay out of trouble, because they know there's an increased probability that they will get caught.
If my father knew I'd stolen his car to go see a girlfriend at 1 AM on a school day, he would have completely flipped out.
He'd have stopped me. And in doing so, would have deprived me of one of the best nights of my life.
I won't question your parenting methods. No one should, unless they have children.
But what you've described sounds like a meager existence. I hope your children can escape their taskmaster.
More likely, they'll grow up shaped into whatever form you decided suits them. Hopefully you're a tasteful architect.
Just know that this kind of thing can have long-term trauma effects. I wish I could paste the conversation from a physicist friend. I asked her how she's been, and she said completely miserable. "What?" "Well... Don't worry, I'm less miserable now than I was before."
This was alarming. She's nearing the end of grad school, and by all accounts is a successful physicist at the start of her career. She's worked very hard for four years to get there. Miserable? Isn't this what she's worked so hard to attain?
Turns out, she's never wanted to be a physicist. Her father coerced her into thinking she wanted to be. And now he's still pushing her to go into academia by pressuring her to get a PhD. She says that getting a real job is all she's dreamed about for years.
She's one of the smartest people I know. She's a brilliant mathematician, far better than I could ever hope to be. How could someone so smart end up with such a miserable life?
Because her parents decided that would be best, of course. I'm sure they meant well.
As you chip away with hammer and chisel, try to use a light touch. Therapists can't always reverse the damage.
> But what you've described sounds like a meager existence. I hope your children can escape their taskmaster... More likely, they'll grow up shaped into whatever form you decided suits them... Therapists can't always reverse the damage.
It had a profoundly bad outcome for me, but maybe that's a one-off. It's arguable whether it had a bad outcome for my physicist friend. After all, she is a successful physicist.
This was intended to highlight some things that may not be immediately obvious. Life is counterintuitive.
It is very easy to do terrible things by accident. Morals are subjective. Is it morally wrong to declaw a cat? Some are horrified and compare it to clipping off a finger. Others think it's good for the cat and perfectly normal.
If I sat here and said "What you're doing is wrong; stop this," what good would it do? Absolutely nothing.
Sharing data is a little different. No one has perfect information. They have to choose to do something, and I respect that. Highlighting unintended consequences of a decision isn't quite the same as judging it.
That's me. I "stalk" my children. Here's the long story of why.
I live in a relatively safe area, the suburbs of Portland Oregon. There's a fair amount of petty property crime, which tends to be tolerated if not quite condoned.
Fortunately the region has generally investigated violent crimes quite aggressively, and the violent crime rate is relatively low compared to many parts of the country.
But that doesn't mean there aren't bad guys, violent sociopaths who live in the area. People like that live everywhere. E.g. here's something horrible that happened just a few miles away to two girls, one age 12 the other age 13: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ward_Weaver_III#Murders_of_Ash...
My girls were just about that age when they got iPhones. So, I try to keep an eye on them. There's a slight chance they'll run into some serious danger and I might be able to help.
But, more realistically, it helps kids stay out of trouble, because they know there's an increased probability that they will get caught. It's not perfect. E.g. my older daughter was only supposed to drive my car from home to high school and back. But she chose to drive off campus at lunch. And, since she was a very inexperienced driver, she got into a car accident. So, even when she knew that dad might be stalking her, she chose to be a free spirit. That's just how some kids are.
Certainly some kids will be resourceful enough to hack their phones. More power to them! But there are simpler ways. My older one simply turns off location services and then blames it on "Low Power Mode".