I know I personally like to keep the opinion people have that I am overworked, whether I actually work hard or procrastinate - it's just a really convenient social shield, not only against failure but also against random requests from people. When people notice you have too much free time, for some reason they feel obliged to start inventing things for you to do.
I think it's an alternative to just saying "no". Some people are assertive and can simply refuse a request. Personally, I find assertiveness very cognitively taxing, not to mention socially, so maintaining a bubble of "he's constantly working on something" impression helps. It's probably not the most ethical approach, but it's a coping strategy.
As for self-deprecation of your work, I know I've been guilty of this at times to cover for stress and lack of motivation. It would be true that the particular piece of work is not the best thing I can do (and I can always point to examples of a better work), but fortunately people immediately assume (without me having to suggest anything) that's because of being tired, or new, or something, and not because I am having trouble finding the motivation to pursue a task at 100% of effectiveness. This buys me necessary time to sort my motivations out and hopefully regain the energy to do a better work next time.
You just oppened my eyes. Being a programmer from Spain I receive an average of 2-3 project proposals for free from friends and acquaintances per week. To friends I normally explain why not, but to acquaintances it's way easier to say I don't have time than to explain why I don't think it's a good idea or that I just don't want to work for them for free, which is expected for side projects or internships in here. Now I'm also experimenting with asking for how much when it's work-like and some people just back off.
Then from time to time an awesome project with shared workloads comes and I magically find the time to do it (;
> To friends I normally explain why not, but to acquaintances it's way easier to say I don't have time than to explain why I don't think it's a good idea or that I just don't want to work for them for free (...)
I've noticed that things can also loop around when you're dealing with family. Just recently I received a proposal from a next of kin for basically making an Android app for equity (i.e. for free). He's younger and I recognize this as a temporary fascination with the startup world ("If everyone buys it for $2, the app will make millions (PLN)!") and I don't want to shut down his dreams (he'll get over it soon by himself), so I can't just say no. Fortunately, I have a convenient excuse of being stuck in China for the next month or so - therefore I'm absolutely busy and have no time!
(OTOH if he still wants that when I get back I'll probably go for it - the app is simple, and who knows? Maybe it will earn some cash, which will be a valuable experience for both of us.)
By the way, should I start tagging those comments as #HNTherapy or something?
I drop some shields down for people close to me. But then again, I used to be so bad at assertiveness that I've been burned by people very close to me who assumed my time is free and can be wasted on anything at all.
I see people all the time quite convincingly saying (with a friendly, disarming smile) "oh no, it's no problem at all!" when in fact it is a problem, they don't want to do whatever it is, internally they're distressed. But social conventions (of varying power depending on the culture they grew up in) are forcing them to say "yes", and do it convincingly.
It's actually easier if someone demands a favor and they are obviously rude/inconsiderate about it; it's more "okay" to respond to rudeness with a refusal or excuse.
But some people are unable to say "no" to polite requests for assistance even when they have to lie to accept convincingly. Even if it's hugely inconvenient for them, and only of minimal benefit to the asker. So they say "yes", and probably do whatever it is, and then will try to find a way to avoid the asker in future (don't pick up their calls, etc).
There's some argument that everyone would benefit from a more "American" (ideal, not always real) and more direct approach -- e.g., someone asks "would it be easy for you to..." and you answer "sorry, no", and no one is upset. But this is next to impossible in some cultures, and there's also value in (if you're the asker) putting more thought into how you can value other peoples' time more accurately.
>I think it's an alternative to just saying "no". Some people are assertive and can simply refuse a request. Personally, I find assertiveness very cognitively taxing
And this is where too little sleep helps: it makes you aggressive and lowers your barrier to verbally whack someone over the head. I know my superiors treat me more carefully since I am constantly sleep-deprived due to kids.
I know I personally like to keep the opinion people have that I am overworked, whether I actually work hard or procrastinate - it's just a really convenient social shield, not only against failure but also against random requests from people. When people notice you have too much free time, for some reason they feel obliged to start inventing things for you to do.
I think it's an alternative to just saying "no". Some people are assertive and can simply refuse a request. Personally, I find assertiveness very cognitively taxing, not to mention socially, so maintaining a bubble of "he's constantly working on something" impression helps. It's probably not the most ethical approach, but it's a coping strategy.
As for self-deprecation of your work, I know I've been guilty of this at times to cover for stress and lack of motivation. It would be true that the particular piece of work is not the best thing I can do (and I can always point to examples of a better work), but fortunately people immediately assume (without me having to suggest anything) that's because of being tired, or new, or something, and not because I am having trouble finding the motivation to pursue a task at 100% of effectiveness. This buys me necessary time to sort my motivations out and hopefully regain the energy to do a better work next time.