I have a certificate in geographic information systems. It is an IT field. He knew what it was and was a powerful man in the IT department. If I had been male, he could have been a networking opprtunity. He was well positioned to understand the value of my niche training and what relevance it might have for a company drowning in information overload. That angle apparently never crossed his mind. He only thought of me in terms of being an attractive woman that he wanted to date.
It was against the rules at the company to sleep with someone you were in charge of, even if not directly -- even if there were several layers between your position and theirs. Therefore, any high ranking man in a different department that slept with me was de facto barring me from ever working under him. Depending on his position in the department, this could bar me from a single team or multiple teams or the entire department.
I wanted an IT job. Him asking me for a date was potentially making it impossible to ever pursue that at the company where we both worked. I am sure that did not cross his mind. He made enough money, he could have provided for me even if I did not work. But I want a career. I did the homemaker and mom thing already. I am not looking for a man who wants me to be his little lady. I want one who will support my dreams instead of one who assumes it is all about his. I did that once. I got burned. I want something better the second time around. If I can't get it, I am content to remain alone.
> It was against the rules at the company to sleep with someone you were in charge of, even if not directly -- even if there were several layers between your position and theirs. Therefore, any high ranking man in a different department that slept with me was de facto barring me from ever working under him. Depending on his position in the department, this could bar me from a single team or multiple teams or the entire department.
That clarifies things. So he would have been your manager had you successfully joined the IT team you applied to?
If we slept together, it was against company rules for him to be my boss. If I turned down the date, I would not be barred from working for him, but rejecting him was not going to establish a good working relationship. It would not be a good career move to personally reject a man and then seek out a job working for him.
So, in practical terms, simply asking me for a date, regardless of the outcome, was closing doors for me. I am sure that before he asked, he thought about whether or not this could harm his career. He apparently did not think about the impact on mine.
So, yes, while you are correct that I would have to consent for sex to happen, his decision to take an action based on his attraction to me that limited my career prospects was, in fact, unilateral and something I had no control over.
It was against the rules at the company to sleep with someone you were in charge of, even if not directly -- even if there were several layers between your position and theirs. Therefore, any high ranking man in a different department that slept with me was de facto barring me from ever working under him. Depending on his position in the department, this could bar me from a single team or multiple teams or the entire department.
I wanted an IT job. Him asking me for a date was potentially making it impossible to ever pursue that at the company where we both worked. I am sure that did not cross his mind. He made enough money, he could have provided for me even if I did not work. But I want a career. I did the homemaker and mom thing already. I am not looking for a man who wants me to be his little lady. I want one who will support my dreams instead of one who assumes it is all about his. I did that once. I got burned. I want something better the second time around. If I can't get it, I am content to remain alone.