You know it's pretty childish to dismiss someone's experience right? He didn't say he was seeking approval, he said that when he does the most minor childcare thing he gets praise, while when neither he nor his wife do some completely asinine thing (dressing their daughter as a pirate) his wife (not him) catches flack from the teachers for not being "more involved". Dismissing this as "narcissistic" is completely misreading his comment.
>>is another drop in the "is it even fucking worth it?" bucket
I read that as seeking approval. Is it not?
What does "social cost getting higher" mean to someone not seeking approval?
He even invented a term for it. "social cost[1]" goes higher when someone judges you negatively and goes lower when someone commends your actions, like a carefully managed bank account.
When it's not happening to you it's very easy to tell someone else that getting told every day they are a bad parent is no big deal and they should ignore it.
But when it is happening to you, no matter how hard you try, it eventually gets to you. At least a little bit.
People aren't robots. It's hard work to ignore these things. And, in the case under discussion, it's work that falls more heavily on moms than dads.
Social cost isn't made up and it isn't really the same as seeking approval. It's related to, but deeper than simple approval. For example, you might not care that someone thinks you are a bad parent for not dressing up your daughter as a pirate, however, you do care that the PTA now won't take your opinion seriously because you "aren't invested in your child's education".
If you take not giving a flying fuck what other people think far enough, there can be very serious consequences, such as being investigated by a social worker for how you treat your kids. Parents cannot afford to be too blithe about "that's just your opinion, man!" Society will butt into your business and interfere with or remove your parental rights if they dislike your behavior enough. You do not have to actually be a bad parent for something like that to happen. Only a fool completely disregards the opinions of others, even if they care not one whit about "social approval."
