I'm a "recovering" investment banker (I'm about to get my three-year chip!) and there's a lot in this article that's very interesting. Working on Wall St. and living in NYC can really warp your perspective on life and money. When making 10 times what the average family makes in a year is considered a bad year, something is very distorted. It must seem devastating for all of the bankers getting laid off or uncertain about their futures, but once the dust settles, they'll be okay if they've lived below their considerable means. It seems that the key to financial happiness is to live within your means. Perhaps if more people did that instead of cashing out the equity on their McMansions, there'd be a bunch more happiness to go around and this guy's firm wouldn't be in the headlines every week...
As for making your living by doing your calling, you either have to make some sacrifices or be very fortunate and have your calling happen to be something that's lucrative. Unless you work for a job that is minimally demanding, you most likely will only become very successful if you truly have some calling for it. Otherwise you'll probably tread water and have to find fulfillment in other parts of your life.
You start having real problems if you work at a demanding job that you don't have a calling for. I did that for years and it could be very difficult. I was always somewhat awed by the bankers I worked with who absolutely loved it and it clearly was their calling. Often, their third wives were very happy to enjoy the fruits of their labor.
Making the switch from Wall St. was difficult and it really took a little bit of time to put the whole money thing into perspective. Now, I've found a calling creating software and am optimistic that I'm one of the lucky ones whose calling can be lucrative. Now if we can only start generating revenue...
Indeed. I think there are a lot of "ex-bankers" in the world, especially now. I am an ex-banker as well and was driven to the edge by my BlackBerry going off at 10:00 every Saturday night with more "urgent" work to do. How on earth could this be urgent? I eventually realized that to the bankers above me, it was urgent because they loved what they did. I sincerely think that many did. On the other hand, some had workaholism, which is a whole other [sad] issue. For me, it was unnecessary stress--I didn't feel that the tasks were so important that I needed to grab a cab to the office and update those powerpoint slides as fast as humanly possible.
I'm in agreement with several others on this page that finding your calling, although necessarily resulting in a sacrifice of many extracurriculars, is superior. But it's very difficult. In the meantime, living a balanced life with enjoyable time spent outside of work is critical. If you're killing yourself for something that means nothing to you, you're wasting significant chunks of your very limited stint on this planet.
Interestingly, I re-read the "Smart, and Gets Things Done" and "Done, and Gets Things Smart" articles today, and was thinking about how these map to some of these people that I work with. To my eyes, these sorts of people fit squarely in the category of those who have found their calling, and that calling is to crank out good software 24x7. They are so excited by cranking out good code that they are propelled to do it nonstop. Coding is an intellectual, creative process, and you can't just force it to happen with a high salary or stock options; it comes from an internal drive, a desire to get all that code that's trapped inside out into the world.
To me that is the mechanical result of finding your calling: you're so invested and interested in something that you can't find enough time in the day to work on it, to develop it, and to get it out to the world. When I think of people like this I see artists, writers, academics--people who work tirelessly to show their passions to the world, perhaps even trying to cast out the inner demons that torment them.
Interesting, semi-obvious, yet mandatory observation: I have not found this yet, considering that I'm posting on HN.
As for making your living by doing your calling, you either have to make some sacrifices or be very fortunate and have your calling happen to be something that's lucrative. Unless you work for a job that is minimally demanding, you most likely will only become very successful if you truly have some calling for it. Otherwise you'll probably tread water and have to find fulfillment in other parts of your life.
From the perspective of someone who's been on and seen both sides, is it worth making the sacrifices to live by one's calling if the work isn't very lucrative? Or is it more worthwhile to make sacrifices in what one does for a living to make it easier to find fulfillment elsewhere? Has your opinion on this changed between starting as an IB and where you are now as a software developer?
I ask because your thoughts above reminded me the number of different conversations I've had with people about comfort and fulfillment, and how much one can realistically hope to find either in what they do for a living. Some have even go so far as to suggest not doing one's calling for fulfillment, as they will likely have their passions crushed by some nameless corporate structure.
For perspective, my stance recently has been that aligning both is a worthwhile experiment, and that those who sacrifice other things in doing so will likely find those sacrifices aren't so painful in hindsight (excepting sacrificing things like food, clothing, shelter, etc). Just from the people I've known, those who have worked by their calling seem overall more fulfilled than those who looked elsewhere after-hours. But I'll admit my data set is pretty small, and am curious what others experiences have been.
I think there are some fallacious connotations to the word "calling", not unlike those for the word "soulmate". You probably don't have exactly one, unchanging calling; but there are probably some general themes about the world that excite you enough to try your hardest.
If you have identified those themes, you might be able to work at your calling in a large variety of roles. For instance, one theme I've come back to over and over again over many years is what I'll call, for the moment, "universal programmability" -- the ability of people to improve their tools and environment themselves, rather than simply using the tools and spaces that were previously established by a distant authority. I see ways to explore this theme in software, which is how I make a living. But I have also thought a lot about its implications in architecture, and I'm pretty sure that if I had decided to pursue architecture instead of software development, I could have served my calling in that realm. I also think this theme could work in a government career.
So what does that mean? I think it suggests that the meta-challenge in directing your life centers on learning about yourself, and developing an understanding of your own motivations that isn't necessarily framed in typical professional or academic terms.
On the other hand, it seems that some people can be very effectively motivated by fitting in and becoming the next great doctor/lawyer/investment banker. I'm not sure how much those people are motivated by a desire to prove their worth relative to some well-known societal benchmark, or if there are just a lot of people who find their calling in these fields. Articles like this one, however, suggest that many people pursue these widely-respected careers simply because they haven't found something feasible that they care about more. That search can require a lot of courage and passion, and might even be something that is made possible (or impossible) based on early childhood upbringing.
So in short: the balance that's right for you depends on your personality and circumstances. There's no general answer by definition; believing that there's a general answer may be the most widespread fallacy.
My situation is similar: after leaving an i-bank, I've managed to make a living in software (somewhat ironically by selling niche services to brokerages), but it's nothing like what I was making before.
Still, I wouldn't trade (no pun intended) the experience of the last few years, and I'm glad I made the change.
The distinction is artificial but worth drawing. A job will never satisfy you all by itself, but it will afford you security and the chance to pursue an exciting and fulfilling life outside of your work. A calling is an activity you find so compelling that you wind up organizing your entire self around it — often to the detriment of your life outside of it.
There’s no shame in either. Each has costs and benefits. There is no reason to make a fetish of your career. There are activities other than work in which to find meaning and pleasure and even a sense of self-importance — you just need to learn how to look.
Having something that is both a calling & a job may be a luxury or a curse. I have yet to find it, so they've been separate for me so far.
This too:
some of your anxiety is caused by your desire for the benefits of each -- job and calling -- without the costs.
I think every young person, including myself, tries to have it all and we don't realize that something has to be sacrificed. For awhile I wasn't willing to fully dedicate myself to my startup because I knew that to do the best I could it would have to become my life. What killed me was that I had just graduated and felt that I would lose all my great new friends and lose my weekend social life. It took me a couple months to realize -- So what?
Unless it's your health or spouse/kids, pretty much anything is worth the perceived "sacrifice" when you're pursuing your own calling. Waking up each day with that enveloping purpose and drive is such an awesome feeling.
Unless it's your health or spouse/kids, pretty much anything is worth the sacrifice when you're pursuing your own calling. Waking up each day with that enveloping purpose and drive is such an awesome feeling.
The flip side, which I think I am on the verge of experiencing, is that to sacrifice having the feeling of purpose and drive might end up costing you your health and/or family.
Never underestimate the toll that denying yourself can have on your health and relationships.
You're not the only person I've heard from to experience that feeling, although you are the first I've heard from to be so candid about the costs of such sacrifice. Others I've discussed these feelings with still feel an unerring duty to sacrifice themselves to their families. It seems that the prevailing wisdom of families would be that feelings of family instability are a result of not sacrificing enough, and that one ought to sacrifice more. I fear at least one may not realize what is happening until he loses what he is sacrificing himself to. I get the vaguely foreboding sense that his situation is not all that unique. Thank you for this. Although I shouldn't need such validation, it helps to hear someone else say what I've been wondering about for some time; it helps counter the rhetoric of those who suggest I will be a bad parent for wondering how much sacrifice is really healthy for the individual and the family, and not immediately answering as much as humanly possible.
Aye, this also has truth. I always hold the opinion that my parents sacrificed too much, they set out and worked long hours in hope to provide a better future for themselves and me. However they did not revise their thinking, and even 10 years down the road when finance was no longer an issue they're still inexplicably drudging along, all in the name of sacrifice.
This illustrates that sacrifice prolonged has dangers, namely it dulls purpose, and gives you an excuse to choose a passive approach to life.
This type of sacrifice is different in the sense you're sacrificing for 'a better life' as opposed to sacrificing for 'your purpose' or the purpose of your family. And its very dangerous to sacrifice for 'a better life' per se, because we humans are never satisfied ;p
One technique is to have a set time set aside where you focus totally on, say, family. For me, it is Sundays at 3pm. I have a videoconference with my folks, and for that hour I am theirs, completely. The benefits to having a regular schedule increase the potency of the interaction, as it provides an anchor, rhythm and excuse.
As for your health, well, my grampa used to say "your health is your wealth". That is still a lesson I am trying to learn.
Unless I'm misreading you, it looks like you're addressing a different problem. The parent comment was about how sacrificing your deeper needs (presumably in service of family, or a concept of family) can backfire and end up harming the thing it was intended to preserve.
My first line sympathizes with the truth that denying yourself is detrimental.
In my next bit I am suggesting that you do not need to sacrifice your "deeper needs" (to use your language) in order to have a meaningful family life. Further, I am suggesting that there are auxiliary benefits to the particular technique that I propose.
I'm trying to work my way out of a life of feeling dread every Sunday evening. Several solutions that look right for me:
1. start my own business
2. get back into a small company, possibly a small non-profit, and have lower pay but greater creative input
3. go into teaching
4. some combination of the above
I thought about going to graduate school and trying to get into academics. The thought of researching and teaching is appealing. However, I'm not encouraged by what I've read recently about the costs involved with it.
As an aside a colleague of mine is to the point of waking in cold sweats because he hates the job so much. I'm not that bad......yet.
I don't hate my job. I hate the person I am at my job, I have no passion for my company's mission, and I feel like I am missing out on something better.
I don't intend anything I say in regards to jobs or callings as advice, just as a data point. When I took the safe route 11 years ago, I never imagined what I was risking.
At this point, I regret not believing in myself and not having the courage to try - even if it meant failing - much earlier in my life. I settled for a sort of half-life, in which I am happy in my personal life but not in my career or in my greater contribution to the world. For me, that's just not sustainable for another 30 years.
That shows some remarkable insight. Yes, the job is what it is; the company is what it is. You aren't a match. The question is what are you going to do now? Having a family I don't have the luxury of picking up and doing something else on a whim. My plan extends over a few years with small steps along the way. People in "mid-career" can still change but they need to be patient, have more of a plan, and have a spouse who is supportive.
Aye this has truth, looking back I pretty much wasted my university years playing games because I was not willing to sacrifice the comfort of living with parents and moving out, which would have forced me to work and given me more purpose.
As a result I learned little (of coursework anyway), my health deteriorated (played too much games), and there was tension in the family relationships because you can sense when someone is wasting their lives.
Which is the long version of:
Where there is no vision, the people perish. (Proverbs 29:18)
I wasted life even whilst knowing it was wrong, but what you have to do is give yourself a purpose, and getting that purpose is the hardest thing.
Very much so. This is a particularly insidious problem, because it starts out small and for reasons that nobody would question - indeed, that everyone praises. A few years go by and then poof, ten years go by, by which time what's really keeping you down is the power of habit, much more so than other people. As Gene Clark sang, The longer you're in one place, The harder it gets to leave.
Since you say "which I think I am on the verge of experiencing", I'll mention a couple of things I found helpful in struggling with this. One is Jerry Weinberg's profound statement, "Never mistake the end of an illusion for the start of a crisis." That's important because those two things call for different kinds of action. The other is that relationships can shift. If you make changes, the system that has been in place can adjust and rebalance, even though it's hard and "it" doesn't want to because "it" always wants to stay the same.
It'd be great if some of the college kids that were going to be in finance became teachers instead. Problem is we don't quite have the right incentives set up here in the US.
on the other, your instinct to abandon your chosen career the moment it ceases to offer an easy path to fame and fortune, suggests that what you’re really in the market for is a job.
I don't really follow the logic there. That makes sense only if the career he wants to abandon already happens to be his calling.
A word like "calling" sure triggers my hokey-bullshit detector.
Alternately, I might think it's a little blasphemous. Following "the call" means renouncing secular life and swearing an oath to serve god and the church. It doesn't mean finding a job that makes you happy.
As for making your living by doing your calling, you either have to make some sacrifices or be very fortunate and have your calling happen to be something that's lucrative. Unless you work for a job that is minimally demanding, you most likely will only become very successful if you truly have some calling for it. Otherwise you'll probably tread water and have to find fulfillment in other parts of your life.
You start having real problems if you work at a demanding job that you don't have a calling for. I did that for years and it could be very difficult. I was always somewhat awed by the bankers I worked with who absolutely loved it and it clearly was their calling. Often, their third wives were very happy to enjoy the fruits of their labor.
Making the switch from Wall St. was difficult and it really took a little bit of time to put the whole money thing into perspective. Now, I've found a calling creating software and am optimistic that I'm one of the lucky ones whose calling can be lucrative. Now if we can only start generating revenue...