Similar, but different. I don't let my child use social media at all, and limited to 30 mins screen time total a day. She's excluded in that all her friends use TikTok, and she can't.
Maybe it's for the best.
My parents used to say 'if all your friends jumped off a bridge...', and I hated it, so I haven't used that one yet. I'm trying to rely on actual merits instead of follower cliches.
I don't understand such strict screen time limits. As adults everything will be on a screen. Might as well start getting good at it.
My kids are <10 and they have youtube limits, but they can play heaps of interactive games where they learn about resource management, team play, how systems work, how to solve problems and how to think.
I will even let them back on the computer in the evening after dinner if they want to do programming or level editing in Roblox, or make music in garage band, or something else creative.
We have different parenting styles, and that's OK. I hope your children turn out wonderfully.
I want for my child to have a bigger playground, so to speak. Reading books, playing with kids outside, bothering our neighbors constantly to pet and play with their dogs, making dandelion necklaces, etc. When she's on her phone she just zombies out, and it's like watching a device suck the soul from such a warm and extroverted person.
Things will change with time, but for now, I want her to appreciate and enjoy being a kid. The time for 8 hour screen days can wait.
Yes! Last year when I was pulling all the Ivy from my yard we demolished the back fence and the neighborhood kids were always in our backyard. The sound of the trampoline springs was like alarm. "Come out and play!"
Perhaps one differences is my kids don't have phones at all. No social media. My kids screens are tools for creativity and interactivity. PC's. There is not much zombie face.
Update: Oh also, its very social. After the home schooling in the lockdown, the kids have all their school friends in discord and google chat. There is lots of chatting and laughing and the occasional augment. (which is all part of learning)
You cant play with other kids outside when you are isolated from other kids or when they organize outside play on platform you are not allowed to use. And when all other kids have X and you dont have X, the experience of playing together is experience of not really belonging among them.
>And when all other kids have X and you dont have X, the experience of playing together is experience of not really belonging among them.
On the other hand, it's probably a good skill to form to learn how to adapt when others have something you do not. Other people having access to more resources is something that you deal with your entire life.
I agree with you on something: too many discussions mention 'screen time' as if anything done on a screen was perfectly equivalent. I really feel that playing a videogame/coding/doomscrolling/watching ads/reading/... are all very different activities with different consequences.
There’s a huge difference between video games as well. I wanted to show my nieces what I was playing as a kid, so I bought them aladdin and lion king pack on a Nintendo Switch that I bought for them, but they just want to play Mario Kart, which I think is boring, as it contains so many random elements, that they don’t really have to put in the effort to go through the levels.
I agree that there is a difference between video games.
However, I do not agree with your example. Elements of randomness don't mean a (video) game is trash, and I personally think Mario Kart requires effort to be good at. :)
Indeed. As someone in their 20s one of my regrets, genuinely, is that when I was younger I didn't just spend more time playing video games rather than doomscrolling...
"As adults everything will be on a screen. Might as well start getting good at it."
With all kindness, this is a bit defeatist. True, chances are they'll spend most of their lives sitting in front of a screen. That's no excuse to skip exercising and neglect physical form. Likewise, they need to develop healthy screen habits, which is stay as far away as humanly possible from screens, or else be devoured by them.
Rather than dive into screen vs. no screen - let me ask: what games are they interacting with? I'm at the very least curious to have a look.
I think the screen vs. no screen debate misses another important point: what am I doing while they're watching something or interacting with a screen? Kids certainly need their own play time and autonomy. But what I don't like about screen time for my kids is the easy excuse it gives me to not pay attention to them.
So, no judgement on the screen vs. no screen from me. That 30 minutes from the TV can my time to zone out too. But it can also be, instead, 30 minutes during which I teach them something/play with them/etc. rather than let the screen take over.
I'm 17, and I've grown up with a smart phone in my hand.
I wish my parents reduced the extent to which I was exposed to recommendation algorithms at a young age.
Recently, I've become aware of how much of the time I spend on social media is not necessarily time I want to be spending there. The problem with recommendation algorithms is that they always recommend you continue watching and scrolling. When I was young, I used to read 500 page books like they were nothing, but as I've spent more time on short form entertainment, the harder it has become for me to engage in long form content like books. I still do fine in school, and I've been generally successful, but I feel like if I can't sit in silence for 30 minutes, I'm not really in control of myself. Any time I have a period of boredom or free time, it's easy to fill it with entertainment, rather than thinking on my own.
I've been trying to break these habits (or, honestly, addictions) recently, but it's really hard after years of conditioning.
I don't think modern recommendation media is completely negative, but it is built on getting people addicted, and I can see why you don't want that for your children.
I’ll tell you that’s how my parents were about some stuff. Excluding me from stuff my peers were doing because they thought they knew best. They were mostly wrong and I don’t really talk to them today. Better hope you’re right.
Sorry to hear that. I think all parenting is just hoping you know best and doing best for the child. I have no rebuttal because maybe I have it all wrong.
On the other hand, my parents didn’t let me watch TV or play video games and I’m thankful for it. I didn’t talk to them for a few years, but today I’ve accepted many of their flaws and can better focus on what they can bring to my life. As a parent myself, I’m not too sure about the best course of action, but I sure believe I want to introduce my kids progressively to activities that require a lot of knowledge about themselves not to be harmful.
Agreed. I used to be so jealous of the kids that could do whatever they want but now I'm very happy my parents did that they did. I would say, at least in terms of metrics that are important to me, I've ended up in a better place than a lot of them. Now I'm sure some of them have other values and prefer their life but I am happy so I have to thank my parents
Analogous to the whole nerd thing being made fun of until being a nerd itself became a culture. Hopefully social media goes the way of the cigarettes ... harmful, profitable and still used but not cool anymore.
Can I ask how old your child is? By the time I was a teenager, I needed greater than 30 minutes of screen time just to complete assignments. One high school class alone was over and an hour and a half on the computer.
She is 10. Yes, that many 10 year old are on TikTok, sadly.
I should have been more clear and said 'phone time', literally, because it's a Google Family Link phone limit. She's allowed to use a chromebook to do homework when needed, which honestly isn't often at this age. Honestly, computers don't seem to interest her much, yet.
Maybe it's for the best.
My parents used to say 'if all your friends jumped off a bridge...', and I hated it, so I haven't used that one yet. I'm trying to rely on actual merits instead of follower cliches.