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Trust me, PHP 5.x is going to be one of the first things to go in a few days. Moving to PHP 7 should fix many of our issues in one go -- I hope. Along with a move to nginx (which the rest of our web infrastructure already uses). There's a long story as to why all this hasn't be done previously.

I'll look into changing the caching once we're over the worst of this. Forgive me if I don't want to make significant changes during a massive traffic spike. ;)




Haha, of course. :) Hope it turns out well!




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