> There are a lot of problems with how we discuss suicide
I used to be heavily suicidal, and occasionally have bouts of suicidal ideation to this day. I found that most of the time when I spoke to other people about how I was feeling, I was treated like I was some kind of fragile human being who needed wrapping in cotton wool. It really didn't help at all, it was demeaning, I felt like I was broken goods. I've never experienced that kind of treatment or feeling when talking about other mental health issues like ADHD or anxiety.
The worst was when people told me "things will get better", as things progressively got worse. It wasn't until I realised that it might not get better and accepted it that I was able to move forward.
I guess it's hard if you've never felt suicidal to empathise, and people get worried that something they say or do might push you over the edge, nobody wants to be responsible for someone killing themselves.
I generally don't talk to people about suicide these days, I don't think anything good comes from it, I try to talk about what I think it causing my negative emotions instead. I think it's borderline emotionally abusive to tell someone you're thinking of killing yourself, it makes people feel responsible for you and your actions. I had a former friend try to kill herself because of me, and it's the most narcissistic, emotionally abusive thing I've ever been subjected to, luckily I was in a state of mind at the time that I understood it wasn't at all my fault and that I wasn't responsible for her actions.
I do think it's something that we should be able to talk to our friends about, but education and awareness surrounding suicide is fucking lacking for most people. I find that it's only useful to talk to mental health practitioner and within support groups (I attend a general mens' mental health group). The message seems to be "you're a selfish bastard if you kill yourself", which really doesn't help. It just invalidated my emotions, I wanted to kill myself and now I felt guilty about it too. Something like 75% of men who kill themselves never seek help and I completely understand why.
I'm so sorry you experienced this. I have had the same reactions from people, and the actions you mentioned people take in the first paragraph has been especially hurtful. In addition to whatever you're trying to heal yourself of, you get start to feel broken, as you said. This discourages people even more from seeking help, and people in this mental state need to ask for help, because mental health conditions limit your brain from really thinking straight on how to get the best help.
In regards to your comment about men's suicide rate--this is horrible and believed to be the result of men socially being discouraged by other men from discussing suicide or deep emotional issues (not to blame other men--their response, even though they need to take responsibility for it, is likely shaped by the cultural standards we put on men and women).
The belief, btw, comes from the fact that women actually have a much higher rate of depression than men do, but a much lower suicide rate. Idk if a study was done, but the theory is it's more accepted and expected in strong female friendships to share deep emotional struggles and expect support than it is in strong male friendships.
I'm fortunate that I live with my two adult sons whom I raised and homeschooled. When I'm seriously suicidal and not just whining about how my life sucks and I hate it so much, I can let them know that I'm not right today and can't be left alone and they will arrange to babysit me. The fact that they do that helps touch one of the roots of my problem -- that I feel like no one cares -- and helps kill it off and I've gotten less suicidal over the years in part because of the evidence that they actually do care.
President Lincoln was prone to bouts of darkness and suicidal fits and his friends would babysit him at such times. So I'm not the only one who has found that to be an effective policy.
Suicide usually occurs when you are alone. Simply not being alone can be a deterrent.
It's been a while since I've had to tell my sons "I'm just not right today and can't be left alone." One root cause of my suicidal tendencies is an incurable medical condition. I used to be in agony all the time and I'm not anymore. My improved physical health means I'm much less prone to being seriously intent on wanting out of this life right now, thanks, though I still have other problems that make me somewhat often wonder "What is the fucking point??!!"
Anyway, a side effect of my medical condition is that sometimes I'm just not rational when I'm extremely sick and my sons have learned to feed me, hydrate me, make sure I'm adequately warm and their policy is "Don't engage Teh Crazeh" at such times because it doesn't help to engage me in discussion when I'm not rational. All it does is amplify my focus on negative feelings and there's nothing therapeutic about talking with me at such times.
Very often, I'm irrational because I'm at the end of my physical rope. Over the years, we've learned that when I'm a serious whack job, tending to my physical health -- feed me, hydrate me, make sure I'm warm -- often results in me falling asleep. When I wake up, I'm fine, mentally.
My experiences have convinced me that a lot of mental health issues have a strong component of physical health issues and have given me renewed appreciation for the biblical thing of feeding people as an act of love, caring and promoting the peace. Life is chemistry and food has powerful chemical impacts that tend to go somewhat unrecognized by most people, most of the time.
My sons basically nursed me back to health after doctors wrote me off for dead. Helping me actually solve my "unsolvable" problems has proven to be the best antidote to my suicidal tendencies.
I think people who are suicidal typically have intractable personal problems and one of the best antidotes to suicidal tendencies is to help people solve their intractable problems, which is part of why I blog and try to create informational resources for people with serious personal problems. I think being suicidal is often shorthand for "My life just doesn't work and can't be made to work and it's torture." So I try to help people make their lives work.
(I'm horrendously short of sleep and have been for days. Hopefully, I haven't said anything really badly here. 0_o)
I used to be heavily suicidal, and occasionally have bouts of suicidal ideation to this day. I found that most of the time when I spoke to other people about how I was feeling, I was treated like I was some kind of fragile human being who needed wrapping in cotton wool. It really didn't help at all, it was demeaning, I felt like I was broken goods. I've never experienced that kind of treatment or feeling when talking about other mental health issues like ADHD or anxiety.
The worst was when people told me "things will get better", as things progressively got worse. It wasn't until I realised that it might not get better and accepted it that I was able to move forward.
I guess it's hard if you've never felt suicidal to empathise, and people get worried that something they say or do might push you over the edge, nobody wants to be responsible for someone killing themselves.
I generally don't talk to people about suicide these days, I don't think anything good comes from it, I try to talk about what I think it causing my negative emotions instead. I think it's borderline emotionally abusive to tell someone you're thinking of killing yourself, it makes people feel responsible for you and your actions. I had a former friend try to kill herself because of me, and it's the most narcissistic, emotionally abusive thing I've ever been subjected to, luckily I was in a state of mind at the time that I understood it wasn't at all my fault and that I wasn't responsible for her actions.
I do think it's something that we should be able to talk to our friends about, but education and awareness surrounding suicide is fucking lacking for most people. I find that it's only useful to talk to mental health practitioner and within support groups (I attend a general mens' mental health group). The message seems to be "you're a selfish bastard if you kill yourself", which really doesn't help. It just invalidated my emotions, I wanted to kill myself and now I felt guilty about it too. Something like 75% of men who kill themselves never seek help and I completely understand why.