Withdrawal is a really crap thing to go through, but I also want to point out that sometimes it can be a fairly non-event, too. I tapered off of Zoloft for weeks, and I really didn’t feel much of a change. Going slow and deliberate (if you have the freedom to do so) will help, as well as having lucky genetics.
I just want to underline that you shouldn’t be turned off to this possible solution because you’re nervous about the side effects or withdrawal. Definitely talk with your doc about them and see if it makes sense to go on them, and if there are ways to mitigate some of the side effects. But meds — in my case, at least — definitely have been some of the best decisions I’ve made in my life.
Studies have shown that withdrawal and the fact that the first medication often doesn't work are reasons why people don't continue to try to get treatment for depression or anxiety or other problems. As you say, that can be the WORST thing a person can do.
I'm the same as you -- as terrible as some of my withdrawal experiences have been (and they have beent truly heinous), it's better than the alternative. Which is to literally not want to live.
I just want to underline that you shouldn’t be turned off to this possible solution because you’re nervous about the side effects or withdrawal. Definitely talk with your doc about them and see if it makes sense to go on them, and if there are ways to mitigate some of the side effects. But meds — in my case, at least — definitely have been some of the best decisions I’ve made in my life.